hcg & me on the road to find out

Bowing out

2010-10-18T14:11:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm bowing out this round. No, I didn't make it to 23 days, but oh well. Yes, I had a good run up until this weekend. I'm sure the beginning of this weekend's indulgence was intense PMS-TOM cravings, to which I succumbed on Saturday. TOM showed up this morning, so the cravings were definitely related to that. Unfortunately, as every transition into P2-P3 goes for me, I paid the very dear price of my cheat with extreme cramping, diarrhea, and sweats. I took today off of work, because I am still feeling the symptoms. I HATE this part of the protocol. I know most others don't have to deal with this sort of thing, but each and every time, I go through hell for several days. It's the only part of the protocol I really can't stand. I also have to wonder what it is doing to me internally-- it can't be good. I don't think it's normal that my body reacts so very violently to re-introducing fats. It's exhausting and feels like razor-blades are passing through me (sorry if TMI).

Even though I had a really successful P2 so far, I don't know how much my heart was really in it. The holidays are coming up, and family has been coming in town, and will continue to do so over the holidays, which always makes for awkward visits when you can't participate in the one 'activity'-- eating -- which seems to bring everyone together.

I have decided to stay off the juice until January. If I return then, it will be doing a different version of the protocol. I have been reading about an 800 calorie version with 12% fat daily. Maybe that's what I need to do, so that I won't have these horrible symptoms re-introducing fats into my diet. Or I may do something altogether different. I just don't know right now.

I do know that I need to get my thyroid under control before starting whatever else it is I intend to do next year. My daily dosage needs to be tweaked, and it's something I'm going to have to figure out on my own, as I just can't afford the Dr. visits and the testing you would normally do. Thankfully, Miss Lizzy's blog has a lot of helpful information on that score.

Don't get the wrong impression- I'm not giving up this battle with my weight. Next January, I am facing it head-on, and will do something. I just don't know what yet. As always, you guys will be the first to know, after I make that decision!

R4P2 VLCD 12

2010-10-15T21:27:00.000-05:00

227.7 at weigh-in today, -0.0lbs, -16.1lbs total overall so far.

Nada today. That's OK. I can't complain as my first week went so well. I've also been enjoying what I've been eating this round, and I'm considering that a success. My previous rounds, I guess the Hcg affected my tastebuds, and there wasn't much I would even look at, much less eat. So far, I'm doing OK with being able to eat chicken, seafood, and beef. I didn't have time today to make lunch, so I had an Atkins chocolate shake, that I'm hoping won't interfere with my weigh-in tomorrow. I guess we'll see. I know it's full of chemicals, but it sure did taste smooth, creamy, and chocolatey! And it didn't upset my stomach, thankfully.

I had good energy today, which was a welcome surprise. I'm very tired now, but it's 9:20pmCST. I've been making myself go to bed at 10:30pmCST every night, so I'm sure to get a good night's sleep.

R4P2 VLCD 11

2010-10-14T21:09:00.001-05:00

227.7 at weigh-in today, -0.7lbs today, -16.1lbs total overall so far.

I was happy to see a drop today. Its always encouraging to see movement on the scale. I have been feeling extremely tired in the afternoons lately, and even fall asleep when I get home from work. There's no extra energy that I've usually felt with other rounds. I get winded going up stairs and my upper back feels like someone put hot pokers to it by the end of the day. I had a lot of plans for different projects to work on this round, thinking I would get the burst of lovely energy I've usually felt, but not so far!

For me, I've done a really bold thing today. I've posted a picture of myself at the beginning of this month. I would like to keep a monthly log of my progress in how my shape will be changing. I recognize that this isn't the best picture of me, but I wanted to do it while I had the gumption to do it! Unfortunately, I just look frumpy and lumpy!! I must focus on the fact that this will change as I progress with this round and other rounds.

R4P2 VLCD 10

2010-10-13T20:25:00.001-05:00

228.4 at weigh-in today, -0.0lbs today, -15.4lbs total overall so far.

Hey, not every day can be a blockbuster day. I'm not looking at this as anything other than a holding pattern until the next drop. It will happen. I sort of like not knowing when I'm going to end or how much I wish I'd lose this round, because I'm not giving myself any sort of deadline or weight goal. Its all open-ended, so I'm not putting myself under any pressure. I just want to lose the weight, and I keep telling myself that it all will come off eventually.

R2P4 VLCD 9

2010-10-12T21:41:00.000-05:00

228.4 at weigh-in, -1.5lbs today, -15.4lbs total so far.

I'll take it! YES. I can only theorize that since I gained the 60lbs so quickly since May, maybe they weren't 'set-in' pounds yet, and are coming off more quickly than usual? I dunno. But I like it! And I won't try to figure it out any more than that.

I think I may have sorted out what was causing the upset stomach and diarrhea. Since this round began, I have been having a breakfast of grissini, 1/4 of an apple, and a bottle of water with a new product by Ocean Spray-- individual serving packets of sugar-free (& only 5 calories/serving) Cran-Grape mix. They were a yummy way to get a 'juice-like' substance at breakfast, and they never caused me to stall. However, this morning, after really looking at the box, it jumped out at me. The first ingredient is citric acid. I have a real problem with citric acid. I can't drink orange juice- it immediately makes my stomach upset. I think that was the culprit. Needless to say, I didn't drink it this morning, and voila! no upset stomach today. Thank goodness!

I felt SO much better today. I still got very winded when I would go up a flight of stairs, or stood for too long, but overall my energy was better. I was glad because I really didn't want to stop this round, and I was just plain tired of feeling badly!

R4P2 VLCD 8

2010-10-11T21:57:00.000-05:00

229.9 at weigh-in today, +0.4lbs today, -13.9lbs total overall so far.

I already know why I gained today: I didn't drink enough water yesterday. But that was because I felt so badly all day, and was feeling like if I drank anything, I would be headed straight for the bathroom (if ya know what I mean).

This morning started out the same way-- upset stomach and bathroom episodes. And I had to go to work! I took 2 immodiums and 1 zantac, and said a prayer. They seemed to do the trick, at least for today. I did try to make a better effort at drinking liquids, so I hope tomorrow's weigh-in has a better result.

R4P2 VLCD 7

2010-10-10T18:35:00.002-05:00

229.5 at weigh-in today, -1.3lbs today, -14.3lbs total so far. Well I'd say week 1 was a success. I can't remember if I ever lost this much weight in the first week of P2 before.

I've been resting most of today, as I had severe cramping, diarrhea, and cold sweats last night. Its the first time its happened this round, and I don't like it starting this early. It has me frightened. I'm thinking it might be something related to my liver or gall bladder function, and I'm very concerned that something bad may be happening (but I'm not sure). If you will recall, I had an incident like this last R3P2, to where I had to stay home from work that day it was so bad. All day today, I've had a very rumbly tummy-- not good. I haven't drunk enough water today, simply for the fact that I know if I drink like I should be doing, I'm going to be back in the bathroom, with it just going straight through me (sorry if TMI).

I've been reading online about how having a surplus of cholesterol/fat in your blood stream (like hcg does for us when we are releasing), can make it difficult for your liver and gall bladder to keep up. There isn't enough bile being produced to help digest all the extra fat floating around. I don't know if this would indeed cause diarrhea, or if something else is happening. Of course, I can't afford to go to the doctor, so its up to me to try and figure it out. I did post on the yahoo forum about this, and am hoping I can get some answers there too.

There's a part of me that thinks I should stop this round, and not stress my body this way. But there's another part of me that knows that I've never succeeded at losing weight any other way. I REALLY don't know what to do. I don't want to end up having gall bladder surgery, or doing something harmful to my body.

I cried most of the afternoon, and poor Mr. ld was trying to comfort me. My muscles were aching, I had cold sweats, and I felt horrible. So if you look at the numbers, it was a fantastic week. But if you look at how I feel now, its not so great.

R4P2 VLCD 6

2010-10-09T20:39:00.000-05:00

230.8 at weigh-in today, -1.8lbs today, -13.0lbs total so far. I really can't believe it, and it isn't even at the 1 week point yet! I think my body is more than ready to release this weight!!

I went to bed last night at 9:30pm, slept in today, did a little work, and went to a movie with dh (saw 'Catfish'--we give it 2 stars out of 5), and came home and took a long nap. I'm still exhausted. I don't remember being this tired on any of my previous rounds. One positive though: since I started hcg, my face has really cleared up. I was one of those lucky ones who always had a clear complexion all throughout my teen years. But now, I've got adult acne on my chin. Somehow the hcg has cleared that up. I think the acne is a hormonal imbalance brought on by going through menopause, and the hormonal effects of hcg are somehow working their magic on my system. That's a very nice side effect, if you ask me!

I'm going to go to bed again early tonight and try to get past this fatigue--

R4P2 VLCD 5

2010-10-08T19:54:00.000-05:00

232.6 at weigh-in today, -2.0lbs, -11.2lbs total so far. I was VERY happy this morning, to say the least! Another great loss-

Today went well up until around 4:30pm. I just hit a brick wall, energy-wise and physically. And I still had several hours more of work to do. I got it all done, but by 7pm when I got home, everything in me was hurting. I know its the VLCDs and me carrying this much around on my frame. It was all I could do to walk back to the car after my last appointment. I've been taking my potassium daily, and at some point this sort of goes away.

As I was so tired and still aching, Mr. LD lovingly prepared dinner for me. There was absolutely no energy to do it myself. HOWEVER. He prepared boiled shrimp which was fine, and fresh green beans, which aren't on protocol. They had a dab of Molly McButter on them as well. We shall see what happens tomorrow at weigh-in. I can't fuss because he tried so hard, and was really trying to help me.

I'm definitely going to go to bed VERY early tonight, and hope that some good sleep will help with the energy level and the achiness.

R4P2 VLCD 4

2010-10-07T19:46:00.001-05:00

234.6 at weigh-in today, -2.8lbs today, -9.2lbs overall. I was SO pleased to see this lovely drop this morning! THAT's what I'm talkin' about! I hope I continue to have decent losses this week, because I know that next week will be a very different story!

I felt much better today, and was busy all day at work so that I didn't feel hungry. I didn't have a headache either, which was a huge relief. I have noticed that I am sleeping better while on Hcg. I am making myself to go bed a bit earlier than I usually do too, because I remember Dr. Simeons' saying that good sleep helps with weight loss. I'm sure it's a combination of effort/time/Hcg.

After all that's happened this year, I actually had a 3rd job offer yesterday, and my first boss wants me to come in tomorrow for a few more hours-- we've gotten busier! I am not at a point where I am able to take on a 3rd job right now, as I am SO busy already. But it's nice to know that 1) others see a talent in me that would help them, and 2) there is more work waiting if I need or want it. I feel very blessed to be in this position, as I know there are so many out there looking for good work.

R4P2 VLCD 3

2010-10-06T20:40:00.000-05:00

237.4 at weigh-in today, -1.6lbs today, -6.4lbs so far. I had hoped for a little bit bigger loss today, but I'll take it.

I had a low-level headache again for most of the day. Ugh. I sort of felt mild hunger around lunch time, but after eating lunch I was OK. I also had a short dizzy spell while I was stopped at a traffic light this evening that scared me. I just remember last round when I passed out briefly at the Barnes & Nobles. I'm on high blood pressure medication, and I'm wondering if being on hcg somehow affects my blood pressure-- i.e. makes it go very low suddenly. It's the only thing about being on hcg that I don't like, and makes me worried.

I was craving halibut for dinner, but I got home late from work, and just didn't have the energy to go through the rigmarole of fixing it. Maybe tomorrow....

R4P2 VLCD 2

2010-10-05T20:12:00.000-05:00

239.0 at weigh-in this morning, -4.8lbs. That's a pretty good start! Here's hoping that the rest of this round (however long it may be) will be as successful!

I took my lunch yesterday, in my new insulated lunch-box along with a frozen cooler thing-ey to keep it cool. I ate in my car between appointments. Its the first time I've done that. You guys were right in suggesting that solution to my traveling problem, and trying to eat lunch in between.

Today I didn't have the all-day long throb of a headache. Just a couple of little ones, that weren't so bad so I didn't have to take anything. I forgot to take my morning SL dose, but took it as soon as I got home from work. I've got to remember that! Thank God for Lifecaps!

R4P2 VLCD 1

2010-10-04T19:58:00.000-05:00

243.1 on the scale this morning. Obviously, even though I ate and ate and ate over the weekend, I didn't have much to gain, as I'd done SO much loading for the last few months! I actually lost a pound on Saturday, but made up for it on Sunday. Total load gain of 6lbs. I'm glad it wasn't more than that!

I've had a low-grade headache for most of the day- Also not surprising given all the crap I've eaten lately.

It will be interesting to see what my weigh-in says tomorrow.

Starting Over. Round 4.

2010-10-01T17:47:00.000-05:00

Today begins another attempt at losing this weight. Oddly enough, when I first started my Hcg journey, it began on October 3, 2009. SO. Here we are on October 1, 2010, exactly (almost) one year later. Last year, I started at 237.8. This year, even though I actually lost 57lbs at some point, I'm staring at 242.1 on the scale as of this morning. If you want to sort of squint one eye, you could say I only had a net gain of 4.3lbs. However, what it really means is that somehow since May of this year -- 4 months -- I've managed to gain exactly 60lbs. How that is even possible in the span of 4 little months escapes me. Its not like I ate 5 pieces of fried chicken and mashed potatoes at a time. Obviously, I did eat more than my metabolism is capable of handling daily.

It all began with the surprise of being laid off in May. That was a very emotional event for me, and I wasn't expecting it at all. God is good though, and within a week, He had provided a part-time position for me. A couple of weeks later, my old boss called and wanted me back to help her with a project. It started out as a couple of hours a week, grew to 6 hours a week, and I am now at 12 hours a week with her. We are getting busier there all the time, so it may mean more hours- I'm not sure though. My other job is providing anywhere between 15-23 hours a week. Adding that up, and I've got around 27-35 hours a week, enough to keep me busy. My heart and head are healing from the shock of everything, and its sort of back to feeling 'normal'.

My body doesn't feel normal though. I feel like I just exploded. My old clothes, that I'd set aside because they were too big, are now too tight! My lower back is always aching. I'm having trouble walking or going up stairs. I'm always winded or hot. It's all because of this extra weight!

I've known that I needed to get back to Hcg for a long time now, but have been worried about the timing of this next round. Starting now was best for me, starting later might be best for others. Holidays are coming up, and that means family events that always center on food. Should I just wait until January and start then? Not upset the apple cart? What held me back from starting in January is that it is 3 months from now, and God knows how much MORE weight I would have put on by then. It could conceivably be 45 more pounds at this rate! I'd be OVER 285lbs! Dear Heavens. (As an aside: I strongly believe that my thyroid is way out of whack, and I need to be on a higher dose daily. Unfortunately, I just cannot afford the tests necessary to determine an optimal dose. I think I'm going to start 2 capsules daily and see what happens- just sort of improvise)

No. I am not going to put off my health or happiness for any longer or for anyone. My husband's family always gets together for the holidays, and his mom wants everyone around her dining table. Sorry, not this year for me. For me to get healthy, I have to start doing this now, and not stop till I get to a reasonable weight FOR ME. It's just too bad if there are dinners that I have to say 'No' to between now and whenever I reach my goal. I'm doing this for me!

SO I've started my fourth round today by loading. As I've done in the past, I'll be doing 3 load days, and begin VLCD's on Monday. I don't know how long this round will be. I'm just going to go until my body tells me it needs a break. I want the weight OFF. Has anyone ever gone 10 or more rounds? I say that with a sense of humor, thinking that I may be the first!

I must acknowledge my dear friend helderheid in encouraging me to join her this round- It's just what I needed to jump start my journey again. My love to you, dear friend.

What to do?

2010-08-02T22:16:00.000-05:00

Well, well, well.

'. . . . . . "The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.

"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."

"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said.
"Do you admire the view?

"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to ask you twice!"

"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"

"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

"O Oysters," said the Carpenter,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one. '
'The Walrus & The Carpenter' by Lewis Carroll

I feel like I've eaten every one of everything! And I have. On my last round, my LDW was 180.8. Hmmmm. How very far I've come since then (and not in a good way)! This morning, I weighed in at 223. That's a 42.2lb gain since May 4th (date of last LDW)- almost 3 months. It sure comes back on fast when you throw caution to the wind, and eat anything and everything you want, in whatever quantity you are feeling like! I'm practically back where I was at the start of round 2. Needless to say, I feel gross. I feel stretched to capacity and beyond. I don't like how I look or feel. I know I need to get back on the 'juice', but I'm completely confused with how to do it, with my current work schedule.

Since I was laid off, I am approaching having as many work hours per week, as I had when I was laid off. Thank God. It was touch-and-go there for awhile. Thankfully, I absolutely love my new boss, and of late, have become quite busy with doing things for her & her clients. I've also been working for my old boss (the one who laid me off), and she's now getting busier, & wants me back for more hours. There's a 3rd opportunity that may be in the future as well. I am juggling appointments like crazy. I am never in the same place at the same time on any given day or even week to week. I have a very crazy schedule that is never the same.

As I am on the go so much, having access to a refrigerator, to put my prepared lunch in, would be key to staying on protocol, were I to start another round. That can only happen 2 days a week. The other 3 work days, I'm never around a refrigerator, and really don't know how to do the protocol without bring a prepared lunch, and since I can't refrigerate it on those 3 days, I am at a loss for how to proceed.

Does anyone have any ideas for what I might do? I really need to get back on track, and focus on losing weight again, and feeling better about myself. But I just don't know how to work this. Please help me figure this out....

Thank you Kathryn for nominating me for a Versatile Blogger Award!

2010-07-20T22:09:00.001-05:00

My dear friend Kathryn, from Reaching Onederland with HCG nominated my blog for a Versatile Blogger Award. I am so honored by this recognition, especially as my posting of late has been spotty at best! Thank you so much Kathryn for thinking of me, and for esteeming my blog worthy of such a distinction!

I understand that as a recipient I must share 7 things about myself, and nominate 15 other blogs.

Hmmmm. Seven things you may or may not already know about me, and these are in no particular order:

One: My husband & I have known each other our whole lives. He was 8 years old when I came home from the hospital, he was there, and he always says I was the first girl he ever saw naked!

Two: I grew up in Australia, as my father worked for an oil company. We had been transferred there for him to design the first gas plant in Australia. While there, we had a pet wallaby, which is a small kangaroo, named Matilda.

Three: In my thirties, I was a competitive ballroom dancer. My partner & I were 10 dance competitors, meaning we competed in both Smooth & Rhythm categories. In my last competitive year, we were ranked number 2 in the U.S. in Smooth. I didn't work at the time, and spent 5-6 hours a day practicing, and 1-2 hours a day working out to get my body ready to compete. We participated in about 7-8 competitions per year. I would dye my hair all different colors for these competitions: pink, black w/ lavender highlights, blonde, I-Love-Lucy-Red. I think the only colors I didn't do were blue or green! I had a killer body then, and when I stopped competing, I put on 75lbs in one year!

Four: For 3 years, I was a Christmas designer in high-end homes. One year I decorated the home of the brother of the former President of the United States.

Five: I only like 4 fruits: apples, bananas, watermelon, & canteloupe. I do like orange juice, but not eating an orange. Weird, I know.

Six: I have 2 engineering degrees: Biomedical Engineering & Petroleum Engineering. Sadly, I pursued these degrees wanting to please my parents.

Seven: I don't have children. However, don't tell that to my 12-year-old parti-variety Cocker Spaniel, Libby. She thinks she is my little girl, and this mama doesn't tell her any different! I love her dearly!!

Blog Nominations: I don't know if I can nominate 15 other blogs, as I don't know that many blogs that haven't already received a previous nomination. But I will give it a good-go-

Christy, of Christy in Seattle

Gena, of JazzyGena's hhcg experience

Megan, of Megan's Hcg Success

Steffi, of Hormonally Changed Gal

Nikki, of Losing With HCG!

Anna, of An HCG Richmond Dieter

Caitlin, of Hello, HCG!

Emily, of An HCG Protocol Journey

Jen Payne, of My HCG Story

Jen, of The journey to a new me!

Kelly, of Skinni Mini, that'll be me!

Thank you again Kathryn, you made my day!!

what's going on

2010-06-26T21:20:00.000-05:00

Well, well, well. Nope I didn't fall off the face of the earth. Life has been very busy since I last checked in.

I have been learning a lot about my new job, and my new boss. I really like her, and feel like I can learn a lot from her. She's very encouraging to me, which I need just now. I don't have a regular schedule, but I'm hoping a pseudo-schedule will evolve.

2 weeks ago, my former boss contacted me, and she needs me to come back in twice a week for 5hrs/week. I checked with my new boss, and she's OK with the arrangement. There's a bit more to the story, but we'll see how it works out.

I haven't heard from the possible 'other' position that may-or-may-not work out, but it may not become available until October of this year. If that does work out, it would mean that I would be juggling 3 part-time positions, trying to cobble together almost 40 hours of work a week. It's not that I can't do the work, I can. It's the juggling of the schedule that may be a little challenging. So far, its working out, and no one is upset. Let's hope it stays that way.

My husband FINALLY installed my double ovens last week, I have been enjoying being able to actually cook. Its been 3 years! I'm able to fix some of the things I haven't been able to prepare in a toaster oven! His brother came into town and helped nudge dh in the right direction, and between the 2 of them, they got my ovens installed. Heaven! which of course, doesn't really help keep me on track weight-wise.

Speaking of which: my weight has gone to hell in a hand-basket. I've gained back all the weight I lost in R3. I've haven't weighed in awhile. I know I need to do another round, and get back on track, but my head isn't there. Ever since my lay-off, my whole sense of being has been upset. I get emotional more easily, I get angry quicker (and I'm usually a pretty patient person), & I have a hard time focusing. My comfort is eating. Not good I know, but there you have it. I still fit in the jeans I bought after R2, so I haven't undone everything. I'm hoping sooner, rather than later, something goes 'click' in my head, and I'll be motivated to get back on track. I'm not really motivated about much these days-

Update from my hidey hole

2010-05-29T18:16:00.000-05:00

I've been laying low recently and licking my wounds. This past Thursday was my last day at my dream job. I cried and cried and cried some more, until there weren't any more tears to shed over this transition in my life. All week, every morning, the day would start with tears. As Thursday approached, the knot in my stomach tightened. Thursday came and by then I was spent of emotion. I only cried twice on Thursday.

It was a weird ending, as my boss was out of town, so there wasn't a formal goodbye then, and my co-worker leaves at 12noon, while I stay until 3pm. The end was sort of anti-climactic as I left my job all by myself. There wasn't anyone else there to wave me off. I just closed and locked the door, and walked out to my car, and drove home. It was very strange. I am to have lunch with my boss next Wednesday, as she wanted to spend more time with me then, and then I'm to work for her for a couple of hours that afternoon on a design competition entry. So, in one sense the job is over, but in another sense, it isn't. I think she'll still call me back from time to time, to help out with different things. I love that I will still be involved there, and get to spend time with both my boss & co-worker. It probably won't be like it was before, but at least they're not gone altogether from my life.

I started my new job Friday, and was a bit nervous driving to the event. My new boss was out of town, so I was in full control of the party event-- all by myself on my first day! What faith she must have!! I didn't want anything to go wrong, as these were good clients of hers, and I wanted to do her proud.

This was an end-of-school party for a little girl in Pre-K and her classmates. We had James Coney Island cater, Marble Slab Creamery cater, a popcorn machine, a snow cone machine, a huge double water slide, a huge enclosed play area with foam for the kids to play in, 2 lifeguards, valet parking, photographer, videographer, 'Cinderella' (who painted all the kids faces) & Prince Charming (who made the most amazing balloon animals etc.) There were 75 children under the age of 3-4 & their Moms there. Everybody had a very good time and enjoyed themselves.

There were a few glitches-- the valet parking attendants didn't arrive until 5 minutes before the event was to start, and I didn't have a contact number for them. (note to self-- always make sure to have ALL contact numbers at the ready!) My new boss was in Mexico in an area with very bad cell reception, so even though I was trying to call her, the calls weren't going through! Talk about panic! The 2nd glitch was that a 2nd ice-cream caterer arrived, after the first was set-up, that I didn't know about. Luckily, I had a copy of the contract with the first ice-cream caterer, and when the 2nd ice-cream caterer arrived, and tried to show me his contract, I could see that it wasn't signed, and he hadn't been pre-paid; all tip-offs. Come to find out, my new boss had canceled him in person last Thursday, so I sent him on his way. The third glitch was that the James Coney Island caterers were only scheduled/contracted to stay until 2pm, and the party was to go until 3pm. We still had guests coming at 2pm and they were wanting to eat. I found out how much more it would be to contract him for an extra hour, and made an executive decision to OK that. I finally got in contact with my boss to make sure what I did was OK, and she told me that unless the cost of the change is in the million dollar range, its OK! Truly.

The hosts of the event told me afterward, that they really enjoyed themselves and so did their guests. They appreciated my efforts, and they wanted my personal contact information so as not to lose touch with me. That was very nice to hear, especially after a first foray into this new job!

Today, I've been completely exhausted. I know its a result of all the extreme emotional swings I've experienced this week. I did get a lot of things done around the house today, and tonight Mr. ld is taking me out to dinner. My eating has gone to hell in a hand-basket, BUT I am still going to start my next round in 3 weeks. Technically, R3P4 started for me this past Friday, so in keeping with Dr. Simeons' timetable, I will wait 3 weeks to start R4. God knows I won't really have to do ANY loading beforehand!!!!

checking in

2010-05-19T22:44:00.000-05:00

I'm checking in.... I'm sort of stabilized (!!!!! ha !!!!!) around +16lbs over my LDW. Yup, I did it up in a big way. However, I haven't changed my intake, and the last 4 days I've been within around 2lbs of the same weight. Today, for whatever reason, I even lost 1.3lbs, which I can't even explain. Ahhh, the mysteries....

I want to thank EVERYONE for their support of late. Its been crucial for me. Each of you has posted such supportive and meaningful affirmations. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I am going to stay on whatever course I'm on, and start my next round whenever I was supposed to. I believe this is day 13 of R3P3, so I still have another 8 days + 3 weeks before I'll start my next round. God know what weight I'll be then, but I WILL be in a better place mentally. Even if I have to WILL myself there!!

???? Up in the air ????

2010-05-16T17:33:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry my sweets, I've been lazy of late, haven't had much energy, and haven't really sorted through my thoughts, enough to try to write here. Even though I KNOW that by writing, it helps me work through whatever issue I'm struggling with, and each of you provide insight & help, I've been avoiding it. Go figure.

Technically, this is Day 10 of R3P3. However, since I've abandoned myself to all manner of eating and am not actually doing anything related to the protocol, other than eating my way back up the scale, I'm not really sure what to call what I'm doing. Well, that's not really true, I've thrown caution to the wind, and am just eating anything and everything whenever I want it. Not good I know. I'm VERY sure this is some sort of emotional issue trying to surface, and the eating is only masking it- allowing me to avoid directly dealing with the issue at hand.

I've started reading a new book entitled, 'Women, Food, and God' by Geneen Roth. I saw an episode Oprah devoted to it recently, and it got my attention. Basically, she feels that we overeat to stuff our emotions. That's very true for me. We eat so we don't have to deal with whatever emotion is trying to play out. We eat because we're nervous about something, fearful about something, sad about something, mad or angry about something, etc. I see myself in this behavior, and have yet to understand why I do this. Certainly, and the book bears this out, when we overeat, for a short time we're almost intoxicated with the enjoyment of whatever it is we've eaten, but the emotion we were really masking, is still there. Only now we feel extra worse, because instead of only dealing with the original emotion we were trying to squelch, we're now dealing with the extra guilt and shame of our binge! Even though 'God' is in the title, this is not a book related to Christianity. Its about bringing yourself to your best self, and stopping the war that we have with food, and the anxiety related to food and our body image.

At some point, something in my head will go 'click', and I'll get back on track, and want to lose some more weight. For the moment though, I've allowed myself to eat whatever it is I'm craving, in the hope that I can figure out this emotional rampage stirring inside of me. I'm sure part of it is related to my losing my job recently, and that was the trigger that started all this. I'm angry that my boss made the decision she made. I'm angry that I'm losing what I thought was my dream job. It was a job that I had prayed for years to get. In every aspect, it was the fulfillment of lots of prayer, hopes and dreams. I loved everything about it. Yes, I know that God may be trying to give me something better, but I'm still mourning the loss of my present position. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that.

Even though I have my first assignment with my new position, and I'll start my 2nd assignment this coming Friday, I'm still working through losing my old job. As soon as I'm able, I'll write more about my new job, and the possible 2nd new position, as another designer's assistant. Truly, if I were to secure that job, it would be quite a promotion for me, in many ways. The thought of that is very exciting, and also scary in some ways. The thought of NOT getting it would be very upsetting for me-- maybe that is part of this emotional roller coaster I'm on too, that just occurred to me. (note to self: See how writing is good for you LD?)

that's sort of a synopsis of where my head is at. Not a good place, but I come here to be honest with you and myself. Its a struggle for sure, but I know at some point, I'll get tired of this, and get back on track.

R3P3 Day 6

2010-05-12T20:51:00.001-05:00

+2.8lbs over yesterday's weigh-in, 192.0, +11.2lbs over LDW

Its really amazing just how FAST the weight can pile on in only 5 days! Of course, if you were making a pointed effort to eat everything in sight, to soothe frayed nerves, its really not so surprising. Yes, a walk now and then, outdoors, in the sunlight, would have probably been a better choice, BUT I ask you, if you had the choice of dark chocolate Reese's peanut butter cups and a walk, which would you choose? OK, Jen P.- don't answer that, 'cuz I know what you'd choose!

Today I met with my new boss, and I'll start working for her part-time this Friday. I'll still be working at my current job until the end of May, when it will end. At that point, I'll transition into my new job with my new boss. She's going to make every effort to give me 20 hours a week, which is what I presently have, after the last round of hour-cuts. She also has a friend who is going to need a design assistant and can -hopefully- give me another 20 hours per week, which would add up to a full-time job! I'm thrilled to bits about this prospect, and think I will end up doing some very interesting things with both positions.

I know God's hand was in this whole transition -despite my fears, my sour mood and depression over the changes. The fact that I was laid off on Thursday, and I am now looking at having enough work to make a full-time position (which I don't presently have) LESS THAN A WEEK later, in this economy, can only be explained by knowing that God's hand was in the whole thing! He's actually increasing my position by making these changes in my work world, and blessing me with more! Whew- That's a lot to take in.

After a last celebratory meal this evening, capped off with chocolate meringue pie, - ! :) - I know I have to get back on track, diet-wise, tomorrow, and start working on getting all this extra weight off, and get back down to my LDW. So, its clean eating for me. I think I will do an apple/cheese day tomorrow. yes, I have to research exactly what that is, but I'm hoping I will have a better result with it, than with steak days which have lost their effectiveness with me. If anyone knows how to do an apple/cheese day, please post the ins-and-outs for me.

I can't thank each of you enough, for your insight, clarity, and love that poured through your posts to me after my horrid day on Monday. Much has changed. Mr. ld has spoken to his parents about the kitchen remodel, and both are completely on board with everything we want to do there. They are coming over tomorrow night, to see everything we want to do, and they are excited about it! Another miracle happening! And truly, I didn't think I'd live long enough to see that one come to fruition! You guys and your energy & prayers worked that miracle for me!

I'm sending each one of you lots of hugs, love, and many thank-you's for all you've done for me. Each one of you are so special to me- Thank you for being there....

R3P3 Day 4

2010-05-10T22:28:00.000-05:00

-0.4lbs lost from steak day yesterday, 186.3 at weigh-in, +5.5 over LDW.

As you can see steak days just don't cut it anymore for me. All that work and NUTHIN'. 0.4lbs is a piddly little loss for a whole day without food except for 1 steak. How that's even possible I don't know.

That's the way my day started and it went downhill fast from there. I almost cried on the way in to work this morning. Just thinking about the count-down of days is excruciating. When I got to work, my boss left immediately without seeing me, because she thought it would be too hard to see me after what happened Thursday afternoon. That was hard to take too. It made me feel like I just wanted to crawl away into a hole. But I need the 2 paychecks that are left before my last work day. She eventually came back in the office later in the afternoon, & busied herself with phone calls, etc. We chatted a little, but mainly about business. I tried to be professional all day, and do real work.

I got an e-mail from this new prospect job, and I'm to meet her Wednesday afternoon after work. I have a lot of concerns about how I'm actually going to like the work, the schedule, and the responsibilities. I don't like children, or being around them (sorry, but that's the truth), and this party she wants me to manage, is for 75 children. WAY outside of my comfort level. I don't like that some of the work will be on weekends. I'm far too old to be working weekends. I'm not promising anything long-term with this job prospect; its only 10 hours per week, and I need a full-time job. We'll just have to see how it goes.

On the way home from work, Mr. ld called and we got into a huge row on the phone. I am fed up with how he prioritizes his parents over us, over me. I live in a house that they own, and they won't do anything to fix it up. Any changes I want to make, even paint, have to be approved & get their input. Believe me, the state of this house would benefit from ANY changes, even an ugly paint color at this point, because it'd be fresh paint. I'm tired of them always being there, and us having to always do stuff with them. Its all the time. There's never anything to talk about when we get together, because we're always together. Even when I don't have to be with them, Mr. ld has just gotten home from their house, and is filling me in on all their doings. I can't get away from it-I just can't stand it. At lunch yesterday, for Mother's day (and why may I ask is there no 'Non-Mother's Day'?), again we were at their house, and over the meal, Mr. ld mentioned something about my losing my job, and maybe having a prospect of something else. His mother piped up with, 'Oh we didn't want to bring any of that up, we only wanted to talk about happy things today'. I wanted to smack her right there. Gosh, I'm sorry to ruin your 'beautiful mind' with any talk of our reality, and how hard things are for us. Or how worried and scared we are. NO, let's all just keep fake smiles on our faces, and pretend that everything is lovely and happy!! That's what makes HER happy. We'll fuck that. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of them looking the other way at how we live. I have no kitchen. I have a crumbling bathroom. Everything I own is still in boxes, just like the day I moved in 3 years ago, because I keep getting told that changes will happen. Well I'm sick of hearing that. I need changes now. I make beautiful homes for other people, and I can't make any changes to this house without getting permission! I'm not wanting to do anything wild or crazy, just make this stupid house liveable.

In any case, I lit into Mr. ld on the phone, and hung up on him. I just wish he'd stand up for me once with them. He moves heaven and earth for them, but won't stand up for me, or us, to them. I told his mother yesterday at lunch how much I'd like to have an oven (not implying that she should buy one, I already own one, I just can't get dh to install it!). Her response, "I'm sure you would". Yeah, try 3 years without a kitchen, lady.

When I got home from work, I put on my nightgown, got in bed, and just cried. I hate where I am in this life. No, I'm not getting or feeling better. I feel like everything in my life is out of my control. My 'home', my job, my marriage. So, like any good food-aholic, all I did tonight was eat. God knows how much of a gain I'll see on the scale tomorrow morning, if I even get on the scale at all.

R3P3 Day 3

2010-05-09T12:06:00.000-05:00

186.7 at weigh-in, +5.9 over LDW

Today's a steak day, no question. I guess all my cheating finally caught up with me. We're going over to dh's parents' house for lunch where they're grilling steaks. I was going to bring some sides like green beans almondine, and a mushroom sauce for the steaks. However, since I can't eat any of it, I won't be preparing anything. If I can't eat it, I'm not bringing it. I guess I'll have another steak a bit later in the day, 'cuz the ones they're serving aren't the ginormous steak we're supposed to consume on a steak day. I'll have to make up for that later.

If all the weight doesn't come off tomorrow-- which I'm guessing it won't 'cuz my gain was so big-- I'm just going to eat clean until it does. No second steak day. I've not had good results when I've attempted that in the past, and I just get frustrated with not eating all day. I've strayed way off course (for P3) this weekend, as I'm still reeling from Thursday. But its time to get 'real' and back on track.

R3P3 Day 2

2010-05-08T18:43:00.000-05:00

182.8 at weigh-in, +2.0 over LDW

No steak day today, I'm right at my outer limit; I have been for the last 2 days. I thought for sure I'd gain a little ground and have more play than this, considering I've had a constant upset stomach since Friday. Surprisingly, I didn't have an upset stomach Thursday night, after my binge on Popeye's, ice-cream & hot fudge & butterfingers. NO upset tummy that night. Friday, after breakfast, it started. And its been going on since then. Maybe tomorrow will be better, tummy wise. Unfortunately, even with the upset stomach, I haven't lost any weight! Did taking turmeric help at all? Well, I will say that I haven't felt like I was going to pass out on the toilet. I've had steady stomach cramping and diarrhea since Friday, but the symptoms have been easier than the last 2 beginnings of P3 I've had. (sorry if that was TMI).

You guys have been so lovely to me since my horrible news on Thursday. I really can't express fully, how much your comments have meant to me. Thank you, each one of you, for taking the time to write such heartfelt and warm comments. I felt embraced, and it means so much to me!

Providence. Do you believe in providence? I do. I believe I may have found a new position that will be very interesting, to say the least. My co-worker at my present job, has upteen jillion contacts, and thankfully, one of them contacted her, needing some help. I spoke to the woman this afternoon, and while the position isn't full-time, she is willing to pay me my current rate (which is higher than she normally pays). My position will be 10-12 hrs per week to start. She is a lifestyle management consultant for the uberwealthy, and she needs an assistant. She arranges anything. Got a new jet that you would like the interior designed? got a 40th birthday party, and you want Aerosmith to perform? Want to spend the winter in Aspen, and have the home ready for your family, including how to work the remotes? all done. need help organizing all your many financial affairs? done. have an elderly parent in another city that you are too busy to manage their health care? done. Anyway, you get the picture. So, I'll be helping her when she needs an extra set of hands. It sounds like fun! I'm so thankful that something came along, and so quickly.

This woman has recently lost a lot of weight herself. She had a bypass operation 2 years ago, and just recently reached her goal weight. Like all of us going on this journey, she said she has a closet full of all sizes that need to be organized!

My head is still spinning with how fast everything is happening. I'm not really one to make quick decisions or changes very well. But I think God is providing for me, and has opened a new door for me. I'm very thankful!!!

R3P2 No Dose Day #3

2010-05-06T21:19:00.000-05:00

+0.2lbs, 181.0 at weigh-in.

If you're squeamish stop reading here. Fuck. Fuckety fuck fuck fuck. Today was going great until 2:30pm. A sales rep had just left the office after a presentation, and my boss told me she wanted to speak to me, and it wasn't going to be good. I couldn't think of anything she would want to correct me about. So I sat down, and she started speaking, "I'm going to have to let you go". Yes, I understand. Business has been slow, and it doesn't look like its going to pick up any time soon. I'm the most expensive employee there, and she has to cut back. Its nothing personal. Yet it feels personal. This is the most perfect job (for me) that I've ever had. I loved going to work each day. I loved the work I did. I loved the creative opportunities I had. I loved the responsibility I was given, and I rose to the occasion. I was very good at what I did. We became an award-winning design firm. I loved the women I worked with. I love my boss- and think she's a brilliant designer. She did say that I have until the end of the month. And, if business turns around & picks up, she will definitely call me back in. I told her that I'd better be at the top of the list to come back, and she said that there was no list, I am the list. Its still very sad though. I did manage to hold it together as we spoke, and didn't cry then. However, when I came home I just let loose. I cried for a good hour. I still could cry now.

Mr. ld still doesn't have a job either. He knows he needs to kick his butt in gear and get something. Its even more imperative now.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I should be starting P3 tomorrow. However. things got a little bit out of sync because of today's events, and I fell off the wagon tonight. For dinner, I went wild and ate a Popeye's chicken breast, small mashed potatoes & gravy, & small red beans & rice, + 1/4 of a biscuit. To REALLY go overboard (which I did) I had a bowl of vanilla ice-cream w/ hot fudge sauce & crushed-up butterfingers on top. Just like an alcoholic, I went straight for the food. I took 3 acidophilus pearls beforehand, along with a turmeric caplet. Right now, I'm hoping that they will stave off any tummy trouble. However, realistically, I'm sitting here waiting for the stomach to start churning, and the sick feeling to start, and then I'll race into the bathroom and hope I don't pass out from the pain. I'm sure that's how I'll spend the rest of my evening. It usually takes a little while to start, and then my whole night will be spent in the bathroom.

Of course, tomorrow I will get back onto a proper P3, but tonight I just let go. I haven't really cheated once on 3 rounds, but tonight was my breaking point.

I am so tired of watching other people do things and go places, and enjoy this part of their lives. They have worked hard their whole lives and have put away a little bit & can enjoy some nicer things. Not us. Mr. ld turns 60 this year, and we can't retire. At this point, EVER. We're always hanging on by a thread, and there's no vacations, there's no dinners out at nice restaurants. There's no extra special birthday or christmas presents. There's no health care. I know things could be a lot worse, and that others have it worse than we do. However, we just can't seem to catch a break and get ahead by even a little bit. Today was really a blow. I don't know if I'll get out of bed tomorrow.

R3P2 No Dose Day #2

2010-05-05T19:23:00.000-05:00

+/- 0.0 lbs, 180.8 at weigh-in

Excellent! 2nd no dose day, and I'm the EXACT weight as yesterday, which I am taking to be my LDW weight. I didn't dose yesterday either. Isn't it incredible how hcg works? I can't explain it, but I do marvel at it! Tomorrow is my last no dose day, and then Friday begins P3.

I'm planning on having a scrambled egg made with cream & a cup of coffee w/ cream for breakfast. If I'm lucky enough to have clear sailing, as it were, on Friday, and no tummy trouble, I'm looking forward to homemade Chicken Marsala for dinner.

I slept much better last night, and even though my blood pressure hasn't risen above 96/62 today, I'm not as worried. I haven't taken my blood pressure medication for 2 days now, and I think I'm going to live.

Tomorrow I'm planning on wearing a 'new' outfit. Its something that I've had in the closet for a number of years, but can now fit into! I'm very excited! Its almost as good as going shopping- just shopping in your own closet!

R3P2 VLCD 37

2010-05-04T20:25:00.000-05:00

-2.4lbs at weigh-in, R3 LDW = 180.8, -27.1lbs total this round, -57.0lbs total overall so far.

MUCH BETTER! I still have no idea why my weight jumped yesterday, or why I lost it plus some today. Not really questioning why, just going with it. Today's weight is what I am declaring my LDW, even though I didn't dose today. It's what I will base my R3 P3/P4 off of.

My blood pressure today got ALL the way up to 95/62, which is still very low. Since we don't have health insurance, and Mr. ld still hasn't secured a job, we really don't have the money to go to a Dr. So, I posted my concerns on the yahoo forum, and Linda Keeper, the resident nurse there, was kind enough to answer me. She basically said that the current Rx I'm on for my high blood pressure is a combination of blood pressure medication & a diuretic. Part of the lower blood pressure can be attributed to my weight loss. Another part is the diuretic portion of my Rx. I will e-mail my Dr. and see if he will prescribe me just the blood pressure part, and not the diuretic part. I still felt light-headed at times today, but just sat down a lot, and didn't move very quickly.

I re-took my measurements this morning, so here's the results of this round's efforts (in inches):

Upper Arm: -1 inch
Wrist: -1/4 inch
Upper Bust: -2 inches
Middle Bust: -2 1/4 inches
Lower Bust: -2 1/2 inches
Waist: -3 1/2 inches
Center Hip: -1 1/2 inches
Upper Thigh: -1 1/2 inches
Calf: -3/4 inch
Ankle: -1/4 inch

Total Inches Lost R3: -15.5 inches overall

I'm happy with that! Only 2 more days eating VLCD, and then I can start adding back in fats. I'm determined to take it slow this time, and hope that by combining that & having taken turmeric this week, I can avoid the horrible symptoms I've had the last two rounds, when I'm beginning P3.

Tonight's an early night for zzzz's, because I really didn't sleep well at all last night. I was worried about falling asleep, thinking my blood pressure would go even lower, and I possibly wouldn't wake up. I also had a bad stomach ache from taking 3 turmeric at once (not good, duh), which upset my stomach. I won't do that again!

R3P2 VLCD 36

2010-05-03T19:36:00.000-05:00

+2.2lbs today, 183.2 at weigh-in, -24.7lbs total so far this round, -54.6lbs total overall so far.

I'll be SOOOOOOOOOOOO glad when this round is over! Today was a crap day weight-wise. Yep, today was supposed to be my LDW. However, with my weigh-in this morning I decided that tomorrow will be my LDW. I have no idea in the world where this gain came from, and I'm not happy to just let things ride and go with that as my LDW. After weigh-in & breakfast this morning, I went to the bathroom, so that may help with tomorrow's numbers; just doing that has been a challenge of late. I've been very irregular & bloated.

I had a good day at work, but after work, I had to stop at Barnes & Nobles to try to exchange a cookbook. I was sitting on the floor looking at books, and went to stand up, & don't remember a thing. Next thing I knew, a man was standing over me, my glasses had fallen off my head, my shoes were off my feet, and a couple of ladies were staring & pointing at me from the aisle. I was pulling myself up to a sitting position from laying on the floor. I must have passed out, and I don't remember the time at all. The man wouldn't leave me until I was OK. I just sat there awhile until I felt OK to try to stand up again. I ended up leaving the store under my own steam, and walked into the supermarket where I had to pick up some milk. I managed to drive home OK, but felt funny. When I got home, thankgoodness Mr. ld was there, and he immediately made me sit on the couch and take my blood pressure. Now, remember that I have high blood pressure, usually 140-150/80-90 or so, after taking my medication. I take my pressure medication every day. However, when I took my blood pressure reading this evening, it was 78/57, which is the lowest I've ever had. I waited 2 hours, ate my dinner, and now its 87/60. This is EXTREMELY low, even for me! I have never in my life had blood pressure as low as this. I'm going to go to bed early this evening, get up and take my pressure in the morning, and see how I am doing. I will wait to see if I should take my pressure medication then. I may contact my Dr. at that point, if its still registering that low. I just sort of feel funny, not my usual self.

I am SO ready for this round to be over, and get back to eating some fats. I think that will help my pressure as well. I'm going to take tomorrow's weigh-in as my LDW. I did take my measurements this morning, and I'll post those tomorrow as well. I really haven't had a chance to compare them to my starting measurements for this round yet.

R3P2 VLCD 35

2010-05-02T19:51:00.000-05:00

-1.5lbs today, 181.0 at weigh-in, -26.9lbs total so far this round, -56.8lbs total overall so far.

Surprise, surprise! I didn't think I'd see this nice a loss today. I ended up 'helping' nature along yesterday in the elimination department, so maybe that was part of it.

Tomorrow is my last dose day for this round, and I'm not quite sure what to expect. I wouldn't be surprised if its -0 on the scale tomorrow, just because the last couple of days I've had nice losses. But if it shows anything at all, I won't complain. I made my mini goal of losing 25lbs this round, and that was a very nice accomplishment. I held on this round, even though there have been many times I could have easily said 'screw it', I'm done. I will say that I am adjusting my future round lengths and shortening them by one week. I think, for me at least, 38 days is just too long. I get sick of the food, and poor Mr. ld is tired of fending for himself. He hasn't really complained, but I don't like seeing what he's eating while I'm doing my P2. Here I am trying to cook from scratch, and he's eating Stouffers! Something is wrong with THAT picture!

I'm going to take my measurements tomorrow, and see how many inches I've lost this round. I do notice my butt it smaller- it doesn't stick out as much as it used to, so that's nice! I tried on a pair of size 14 pants today, and while I can get them on, and my butt fits, I can't quite zip them up yet. My tummy still needs to lose some more inches. I expect that will happen next round. My size 16 jeans that I bought on the small side last round, now fit nicely. I've donated my larger jeans because of that.

Slowly but surely this old body is changing!!

R3P2 VLCD 34

2010-05-01T11:48:00.001-05:00

-0.0 today, 182.5 at weigh-in, -25.4lbs total so far this round, -55.3lbs total overall so far.

Since yesterday's loss was so good, I'm not too worried about losing nada today. I'd love to see the 170's by Monday, but we'll just have to see if that's possible. That's -3.5lbs between today & Monday, which may be a bit ambitious.

It dawned on me last night, that I started taking my 'new' brand of HCG Friday night (Ovidac), and maybe that was another reason for my having a good loss yesterday. I have noticed that I'm tinkling more frequently with this brand, but other than that, I can't say there's any other differences. Which is a good thing!

I'm hoping to get some organizing done around the house today. Wishing everyone a great weekend! Hugs to you guys!!

R3P2 VLCD 33

2010-04-30T18:27:00.002-05:00

-2.5lbs today, 182.5 at weigh-in, -25.4lbs total so far this round, -55.3lbs total overall so far.

I guess my metabolism heard me fussing yesterday, and decided to release some fat! I'm not complaining, as this loss alone takes me a little past losing 25lbs this round. It dawned on me this morning, after weighing in, that today I ended TOM, so that may have something to do with the drop this morning. Also, I didn't resort to anything to help my elimination schedule along, as this loss alone was so good. Anything else I lose between now and Monday morning (my LDW day) is just gravy. Yeah! I'm very, very, very, very ready (did I say very?) for this round to be over. Each round brings a new challenge, and this round had me only wanting very limited food choices, which I am SO tired of. All I've been doing is fantasizing about foods I can eat next weekend!

I've started to conscientiously take my turmeric tablets daily. I want to be prepared for Friday's intake of fats. Each Friday that I've started P3-eating, I've had a horrendous physical reaction. I'm hoping my theory of turmeric being a cholagogue, and helping my gall bladder to produce enough bile to digest the new intake of fats, will help avert that reaction. I'm still not going to push the fat intake on Friday though, just take it easy and gradually increase my portions. Maybe that will do the trick!

R3P2 VLCD 32

2010-04-29T20:29:00.000-05:00

+0.9lbs today, 185.0 at weigh-in, -22.9lbs total so far this round, -52.8lbs total overall so far.

A gain. That's going the wrong way! As much as I bitched yesterday about wanting to eat, I didn't. I stuck to protocol. I think I know what this is about: my elimination schedule is whacked. If nothing happens tomorrow morning, I will take a Dulcolax, as I'm off work. Hopefully, that will remedy the situation. I really want to lose as much as I can, as my last dose day is Monday. That's only 4 days away, and I had hoped to lose 30lbs this round, which admittedly may have been ambitious, but still, it was my goal. Obviously, I won't reach -30lbs, but I'd be happy if I could lose 25lbs overall this round. That's only -2.1 more pounds from now, which is certainly doable. Here's hoping nature kicks in--

R3P2 VLCD 31

2010-04-28T18:47:00.000-05:00

-0.0lbs today, 184.1 at weigh-in, -23.8lbs total so far this round, -53.7lbs total overall so far.

I am so ready for this round to be over. I'm tired of VLCD's, and tired of what I'm eating. However, since my tastes have been so out of whack this round, I go 'Eew' at almost anything. I went to the grocery store tonight, and bought Ritz Crackers- ???- what is that about? I looked and looked at double-stuff Oreo Cakesters. I drooled over vanilla ice-cream, dreaming of putting hot fudge & crushed-up butterfingers on top. OMG. Obviously, I haven't come very far mentally this round, as I'm still craving all sorts of crap! I've gone so far as to open a Reese's dark chocolate peanut butter cup and just inhale. They smell SO good! I'm at the point where I just want to EAT- which makes me more than a bit nervous about maintaining what I've lost so far. I really have to work on my focus. aargh.

R3P2 VLCD 30

2010-04-27T17:45:00.000-05:00

-1.1lbs today (-0.0lbs yesterday), -23.8lbs total so far this round, -53.7lbs total overall so far.

TOM started yesterday, so that explains the couple of days this week with no loss at all. Hopefully, with today's loss I'm back on track. I am very ready for this round to be over; this coming Monday is my last dose day. My tastes for certain foods have been so limited this round, that I'm basically repeating what I eat day-after-day. I'm still OK with what I'm eating, but I'll be MORE than ready to move on next Friday week. Just to have a few more veggies in my repertoire will be so nice to look forward to! And I'm ready to have some cheese & bacon!

R3P2 VLCD 28

2010-04-25T22:15:00.000-05:00

-0.6lbs today, 185.2 at weigh-in, -22.7lbs total so far this round, -52.6lbs total overall so far

I don't know why it is, but whenever P3 is in sight, I get fixated on food and recipes! I've been looking at food-porn all afternoon, drooling over what may be in my future shortly. Discovering new recipes, new food blogs, and realizing that there are some REALLY talented cooks 'out there' in blogland, who are sharing absolutely beautiful pictures of their creations and the recipes for those creations. I've been totally focused on food!

sweet dreams!

R3P2 VLCD 27

2010-04-24T12:23:00.001-05:00

-0.0lbs today, 185.8 at weigh-in, -22.1lbs total this round so far, -52.0lbs total overall so far.

Nada lost today, but that's OK. I lost so well yesterday, that makes up for it! My goal for this round is to reach 177 on the scale. That's another 8.8lbs to go in 9 more days. Will she make it? I'm hoping so. However, this late in the game it may be a bit ambitious. That means its 0.97lbs/day loss between now and then. That's a pretty high average for this late in this round. I won't cry if I don't make it though. The weight WILL come off whether its this round or next round!

I don't know whether to be excited or not, but today, Mr. ld and his Dad are working very hard on getting the existing oven in this house, to work. Its been 3 years since I've had an oven to cook with!! That's way too long for someone who LOVES to cook! You don't know how hard it is to have to think of things to make for dinner that DON'T involve an oven!! for 3 years! Maybe that will change today!

UPDATE: Nope, the old oven just won't work. SO. On to a new idea. Mr. ld's birthday is coming up, and I will buy him a new double oven cabinet from IKEA tomorrow. He will assemble it, and will install & hook-up my double ovens that have never been used yet. It will take a bit longer, but maybe there's oven-baked goods in my future.

R3P2 VLCD 26

2010-04-23T21:05:00.000-05:00

-2.0lbs today, 185.8 at weigh-in, -22.1lbs total so far this round, -52.0lbs total overall so far.

I was stunned this morning when I got on the scale and saw I'd lost 2 lbs!! I don't know where that came from, but I'm going with it, and just enjoying it!

One thing I've been doing this round that's different from my other rounds, is I've been upping my protein portion. Instead of 3.5oz I've been doing 4-4.5oz of protein per serving. I don't know if that has been part of the reason I've been losing so well this round, or not. However, I find that I'm more satisfied with my meals, and it hasn't hurt my losses in any way, so I'm going to keep on keeping on!

R3P2 VLCD 25

2010-04-22T20:52:00.000-05:00

-1.8lbs today, 187.7 at weigh-in, -20.1lbs total so far this round, -50lbs total overall so far!!!!!!!

WOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!! It happened for reals today!! I really, really, REALLY made it to -50lbs today!! My weight jump yesterday was just as I suspected: water weight loss from my tummy distress on Monday. I am thrilled to bits!! It has been years & years of dreaming about really losing this weight, and dreaming of being thin and all the things I would do and wear when I'm thin again, AND NOW ITS REALLY HAPPENING!! I'm not close to being considered thin, but I'm ever so much closer than I was 50lbs ago. Even though another 50-60lbs ahead of me isn't anything to sneeze at, its also not insurmountable, given how far I've come. Today, I'm just really proud of ME!! Thank God for hcg, and thank God for helderheid who told me about this protocol.....

R3P2 VLCD 24

2010-04-21T07:49:00.000-05:00

+2.6lbs today, 189.6 at weigh-in, -18.3lbs total this round so far, -48.2lbs total overall so far.

OKaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy. Well, surprise surprise surprise. Here is my water weight gain from Monday's tummy episode. I just knew it. I have to keep looking forward and up. The weight WILL come off, and I will see -50lbs again SOON. I ate dinner too late last night, and that didn't help matters. I didn't even eat all of my allotted foods, and I still gained. I know it has to be water weight, so hopefully it will come off as quickly as it appeared!

R3P2 VLCD 23

2010-04-20T22:10:00.000-05:00

-0.0lbs today, 187.0 at weigh-in, -20.9lbs so far this round, -50.8lbs total so far.

WOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Even though I didn't lose any weight today, I couldn't be happier! Why? I held onto my 50.8lb total loss so far!!!! I was very nervous that because of the way I lost my weight yesterday, I might experience a bit of a gain today, from water weight gain. However, that wasn't the case, and I maintained at 187.0!! Whew!

Its 10:06pm and I just realized that I have nothing to take for lunch tomorrow. I have chicken thawing & will quickly grill it- So much for an early bedtime!

R3P2 VLCD 22

2010-04-19T13:45:00.001-05:00

-1.3lbs today, 187.0 at weigh-in, -20.9lbs total so far this round, -50.8lbs total overall so far.

I did it! -50.8lbs!!!!! HOWEVER. I went through hell this morning, and I think that's what made me reach my goal. I woke up and weighed, and for some reason, I was at 188.9, +0.6lbs from yesterday. I couldn't explain that gain, but I logged it in, and went about my morning getting ready for work. While fixing my breakfast & lunch, I had the most horrible stomach ache and went to the bathroom, where I had a classic gall bladder attack. It was just like my first day of P3, where I try to add in fats, and I'm in the bathroom with diarrhea and wanting to vomit at the same time. Bad cold sweats, I had to change my gown twice. I called Mr. ld and told him to come home immediately because I thought I was going to pass out. The physical episode finally quieted and I went back to bed. I had to put towels everywhere because I was so wet from cold sweats. I called in sick to work. I went back to sleep for a few hours- I was just exhausted.

I got up around 12:30pm and weighed, and that's when I logged 187.0. I'm not sure if I'll be able to hold onto that weight tomorrow morning, because of how I lost the weight. I hope so, but I'm just not sure. I know I will eventually lose it, but I really wanted to enjoy this milestone for a little bit. Knowing that I might regain a little tomorrow sort of puts the milestone in limbo.

I have NO idea what triggered this attack this morning. I'm not sure if it was even a gall bladder attack, but it felt like one. I didn't eat anything that wasn't on protocol, or anything that had fat in it. I ate dinner last night around 8:30pm, which was late, but I've done that before. I went to bed around 10:30pm and didn't feel unwell at all. I woke up this morning, and before I ate anything for breakfast, I had this attack. So I really can't figure out what would have caused it. When I have the attacks on Day 1 of P3, its because I ate bacon & eggs made with cream for breakfast. And it happens generally within an hour-&-a-half of my eating. To have not eaten anything this morning and still have the attack is curious. It certainly couldn't have been from what I ate for dinner, because that was 11 hours prior to the attack. Its a mystery.

I have been taking my turmeric tablets this round every other day. Turmeric is a cholagogue and is supposed to help your body keep producing bile, in the absence of fat in your diet. I didn't take them yesterday, but that's not unusual either. ?????????

SO. I'm home today, nursing my tummy and napping. I just ate lunch and am waiting to see if that will trigger anything- I hope not!

R3P2 VLCD 21

2010-04-18T21:28:00.000-05:00

-1.7lbs today, 188.3 at weigh-in today, -19.6lbs total so far this round, -49.5lbs total overall so far.

Wow!! I didn't expect to make up so much ground yesterday! I'm only 1/2lb from -50lbs! We'll see how I do tomorrow morning, and see if that will be D-day.

I've had a busy weekend, but got some projects done around the house that I'd been meaning to. That was a good feeling.

I also turned a corner this weekend, having fewer VLCD days ahead of me, and more behind me. That is also a good feeling!

R3P2 VLCD 20

2010-04-17T13:15:00.000-05:00

+0.8 today, 190.0 at weigh-in, -17.9lbs total so far this round, -47.8lbs total overall so far.

Well, well, well. I think I know why I saw a jump on the scale this morning. Last night for dinner, I thought I would try steamed broccolini as my veggie. I've been so bored with my veggie choices this round, and have had no taste for asparagus. So, I tried the broccolini, and while it tasted good last night, I lost my appetite for it while I am on P2!! You play you pay, right? So, I am back on track today, and being a good girl. No more broccolini for me while on P2!

Here is the list of approved veggies for P2: spinach, chard, chicory, beet-greens,
green salad, tomatoes, celery, fennel, onions, red radishes, cucumbers, asparagus, & cabbage

Here is the list of veggies that I would eat (remember I'm a very picky eater): spinach, green salad, tomatoes, celery, onions, red radishes, cucumbers, asparagus, & cabbage (raw only)

Here is the list of veggies that I would find appealing this round: tomatoes, onions, red radishes, cabbage (raw only)

As we all know, each round is different, and I've found that while on hcg my tastes have changed each round. The first round I couldn't get enough of asparagus and green salad, tomatoes with fresh basil, but didn't even eat radishes at all. The second round I still ate asparagus, less green salad but more tomatoes, & discovered that I love mashed radishes. This 3rd round, I cannot abide green salad, only a few tomatoes, absolutely NO asparagus, no cucumbers, a teeny-weeny little bit of raw cabbage (substituted for lettuce greens), and cooked/mashed radishes. So, you can see I've severely limited my veggie choices, and now I'm getting tired of my limited selection. I must push through for the next 18 days, but it does take some imagination to pick things that sort of make it interesting. Of the allowed fruits I will only eat apples.

In trying to expand some reasonable veggie choices, I first experimented with adding zucchini, which had no effect on my weight losses, thankfully. This last experiment with broccolini proved to be a failure, at least while I'm on P2. Lesson learned.....

R3P2 VLCD 19

2010-04-16T22:42:00.000-05:00

-0.6lbs today. 189.2 at weigh-in, -18.7lbs total so far this round, -48.6lbs total overall so far.

I got more organizing/cleaning out done around the house today. I got rid of all old cleaning products and organized what I wanted to keep. It feels much better. I really need to be more patient with Mr. ld about organizing. I am so ready to be completely organized around here, and the poor man is trying to keep up with me, and struggling to do so. He hasn't thrown a kaniption fit yet, and I haven't met with any REAL resistance from him yet. However, everything is taking waaaaayyyyyyy more time than I want it to. He is still reluctant to go through all his papers (which are very overwhelming) and put them either in the shredder, trash, or files- and he doesn't want me to touch any of it. The messes around here keep getting bigger before they get smaller. I guess its all part of the process, but I just want it to go faster. I want an organized home, that doesn't look like a hoarders & pack rats live here!

R3P2 VLCD 18

2010-04-15T20:09:00.000-05:00

-0.0lbs today, 189.8 at weigh-in, -18.1lbs total so far this round, -48.0 total overall.

Even though I didn't lose anything today, it was still a good day. I am soooo close to losing 50lbs total overall! I can't even believe it! Only 2lbs to go before I reach that milestone, and I might accomplish that this weekend.

Work week ended today, and I want to get to bed early this evening so that I can attack some projects around the house tomorrow. Sweet dreams everybody!

R3P2 VLCD 16

2010-04-14T19:45:00.000-05:00

-1.6lbs today, 189.8 at weigh-in, -18.1lbs total this round so far.

Reaching the One-EIGHTIES today really proved to be mentally uplifting for me. I didn't think I would feel anything, other than relief that more weight is coming off, and that I am much closer to my goal. However, when I saw the number on the scale this morning, something inside me went 'YES'!! Its been so long since I've been anywhere close to this weight, and making it here feels very nice indeed. It makes me feel like I really will see my goal weight this year, and its not so scary. I've been unhappy but comfortable, for oh-so long in the 190's-200's that a part of me had given up achieving my dream of losing weight and attaining a normal size. I must admit that being thin again would scare me- would I be able to handle it? When you are overweight, there aren't any expectations from yourself, or anyone else, on you. In fact, you sort of disappear to the rest of the world. And I was OK being that way for a good long time. Not anymore! Today's weight confirmed in my spirit that I will see my dream, of being an attractive size, fulfilled this year!! wooHOOO!

R3P2 VLCD 15

2010-04-13T18:32:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I lost -1.1lbs, 191.4 at weigh-in, -16.5lbs total this round so far. Today I didn't lose anything, just maintained the status quo. That's sort of how this round has been going, down a good amount, then holding steady until the next good loss. That's OK, 'cuz its eventually gonna come off.

I had THE BEST dinner last night: beef fajitas & homemade pico de gallo. I took a flank steak and marinated it in the following: 1/4 cup lime juice, 1/4 cup cilantro, 4 diced garlic cloves, 1TBS cumin-- put all that in the blender and whir until smooth. Then knick the flank steak with a knife in little places on both sides. Put the steak in a ziploc bag and pour the marinade in the bag. Close it up and get the air out. Refrigerate and let the marinade do its thing for at least an hour. I grilled it on both sides of the steak. YUMMY! I used an approx. 1-1/2lb flank steak for this marinade recipe, and cut it into single serving sizes. I chopped tomato, onion, & cilantro and mixed it with the juice of a lime for the pico de gallo. I now have dinner for several meals ready to go. It was absolutely delicious!

Yesterday Mr. ld got another lead on a job working for a local university on their computers. If this would come through, it would be a good fit for him- its doing what he loves to do, with a good salary & benefits. Keep him in your prayers, if you would.

hugs to you guys...

R3P2 VLCD 13

2010-04-11T19:40:00.000-05:00

-1.3lbs today, 192.5 at weigh-in, -15.4lbs total so far.

The good thing about hcg is that it keeps working, no matter how you are feeling! I made it to 192.5 today, which for me is what I've been waiting for this round. Its my R2 LDW, and from now on, all the weight I lose is 'new' weight. I gained a bit in R2P4 and its taken almost 2 weeks of VLCD's to get it off. I have 25 more days left in this round to make some new headway on my overall weight loss.

Things are still a bit tense around the house today, after yesterday's 'discussion'. In Mr. ld's defense, he is the sweetest man you'd ever want to meet, he just hasn't yet learned how to 'grow-up' to his parents. You'd think that as he turns 60 years old next month, this would have already been established, but it hasn't. And his parents take advantage of that. He stood up to them one time in our marriage, after Hurricane Ike, when we'd had no electricity for 3 weeks, and a relative offered to let us borrow his generator. We said 'yes' to the loaner, and were looking forward to being able to run a fan and have a light in the den. However, Mr. ld's father took the liberty of calling this relative and telling then NOT to bring the generator to us, and that we would be fine without it. Can you believe? Keep in mind that the IL's didn't have any electricity either, and wouldn't go out and purchase one, even though they could well afford it; that was their decision. We however, couldn't afford to go buy one, and this relative knew that, and was trying to help us out. When Mr. ld heard what had transpired, he went over to his parents house, and had it out with them. He told his father that he (the father) didn't make decisions for Mr. ld's family, which was a revelation to his father. His father actually told him that yes, he did make decisions for us!!!! Mr. ld told him that the 2 of us had our own family, and that it was separate from his father and mother. That was news to them. They argued that point for awhile. In any case, it ended, they eventually apologized, and we still had no generator. At some point, IL's went & purchased a generator, and let us share the electricity. Upshot, they don't see us as a distinct entity as a family- that's most of the problem. And apparently, dh has a hard time telling them 'no'. In their minds I think, since we don't have children, we aren't a 'real' family. They don't treat dh's brother this way. Of course, he lives in across the country in Florida, but he has a wife & 2 grown children, which make the difference to IL's.

Mr. ld and I have known each other our whole lives. His parents and my parents were best friends as we grew up. In fact, after I was born and came home from the hospital, he was there. He always likes to say that I was the first girl he ever saw naked. We would always play together when we were little, and when we would play 'married', he was always my play-husband. I was there at his first wedding, and became friends with his first wife. After that ended, he would call me for dating advice, where he should take them and what should they do. He would tell me 'why can't I find somebody like you?'. It just never dawned on us that there was more to it than a very good friendship. After both of my parents died, he came to help me set up a new computer I had purchased, and that's when the sparks started. I came back to Houston with him to learn how to design web pages, and our relationship deepened. When he told his parents that we had decided to marry, they didn't like the idea at all, they thought of me like a daughter, and thought it was wrong that we should want to marry.

In our 8 years of marriage, we've been through hell and back together. We had a serious car crash where I nearly lost my left arm, we lost our house, we've faced financial ruin because of the car accident, but we've always managed to hang in there together. I'm sure it will be the same with this situation, but its certainly very trying.

Mr. ld did make some calls today about a job, and met with a friend of his who works for the city, where dh would like to work. This friend thinks there might be an opening in June in his department, where it would be easier for him to help dh get on board. If he could do this, it would be a godsend for us. Once you are on with them, its hard to get laid off, and they have great benefits, including health insurance, plus good pay. Please, if you would, keep us in your prayers, especially about this job. Its the best prospect we have right now for him.

I want to thank each of you for posting such supportive and helpful notes to me yesterday. It means the world to me to know that I have such good, virtual friends out there, who care.

R3P2 VLCD 12

2010-04-10T21:49:00.001-05:00

-0.0lbs, 193.8 at weigh-in, -14.1lbs total so far.

I was so tired today, because I didn't sleep well last night. Mr. ld and I had a huge argument about his mother. It all started because a couple of weeks ago, we got an invitation to a 25th anniversary party for Mr. ld's uncle & aunt (his mother's brother & his wife). I don't want to go. We've been married for 8 years, and I've tried to 'click' with his aunts and uncles, and there's nothing. When you go over there, which is a LONG drive from our house-approx. 1 hr.- they all get together and gab. They're all about the same age, in their 70's-80's & we have nothing in common. I am left in a chair by myself, and no one to talk to! I hate it. So, I've gotten to the point where I just don't want to waste my time with it. I made this clear to Mr. ld when the invitation came, and he was fine with it. However. Yesterday his mother calls me to ask that dh call her when he got home, and oh, by the way do you want to ride with us to this party? I said no, I will not be going, but I don't know what dh will be doing. She got all huffy and said that she wished my job didn't take all my time away from doing family things. Pissed me off. Since I am the ONLY one in our little family with a job! And her brother and SIL are NOT, I repeat NOT my family!

When Mr. ld got home I told him to call his mother about this computer thing. He did. She didn't mention one thing about this party to him. When I got off the phone, I commented about that. He told me that she had asked him earlier in the day about it, and at that time, he had told her that I wouldn't be attending it. She got all upset then about it, and told dh how she doesn't understand how I don't like doing things with family. Then, dh agreed with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That super-pissed me off. Its just not true. Not wanting to do things with HER family doesn't mean that I don't like doing family things. Her family is NOT my family. I don't know why this is even an issue. And that dh didn't explain things to her in a way that stood up for me, to her, is an even bigger issue to me. He also told her NOT to mention this whole party thing to me. THEN she goes and calls me about it, which pissed dh off.

Not only did she already KNOW that I wouldn't be attending this party when she called, she manipulatively tried to turn the situation around. I can't stand that she is 2 doors down from us, and tries to control everything, and dh lets her! He is unable to stand up to her and stand up FOR me. It drives me to distraction, and is a very sore point in our marriage. I hate it!

We had a big argument last night, with nothing being solved. He doesn't want to talk about it anymore, and if you continue to do so, he just leaves the house. There's nothing constructive that comes out of a discussion with him about it. I'm very frustrated.

Believe me, if I could have eaten a HUGE bowl of ice-cream with hot fudge sauce and all sorts of no-no's last night, I would have. I wanted to so badly. I know it would have been a binge of the highest degree and it would have tasted so damn good. It took everything I had not to eat and stay on protocol.

This has been the hardest round I've had so far for many reasons. I'm trying to hold onto the thought that later this week, I will have reached the half-way mark for this round. I really can't wait for this round to be over. My mind has not been in the positive place it was for my other 2 rounds. I don't want to end it early and not get the results I hope for. It would be so easy to do, but I don't want to.

I just want my life to change in all sorts of ways, and the only change I'm able to make is in my weight. I want Mr. ld to grow up and cut the cord with his parents, and get a job. He won't even have a discussion with me about it, so that goes nowhere. I want a house (that isn't 2 doors down from his parents) that I am proud of, and I can decorate the way I want to. His parents own this house we live in now, and we can't do anything without checking with them first. I want a fully-operational kitchen (I LOVE to cook). The kitchen I have now has 2 burners that work and no oven. Do you know how difficult it is to cook without an oven? There are so many wonderful things I could prepare were I to have an oven. Oh, his mother has invited me down to her kitchen to use her oven, but I'd have to traipse down 2 doors to do so, and then spend time with her waiting for it to be done! She owns this house, knows the oven doesn't work, and does nothing about it- figure that one out. Mostly I want dh to hear me and see how unhappy I am, and do something to fix it.

sorry for the rant you guys. Sometimes you just need to vent.

R3P2 VLCD 11

2010-04-09T17:44:00.000-05:00

-1.1lbs today, 193.8 at weigh-in, -14.1lbs total so far.

Surprise, surprise! I had a nice surprise today at weigh-in, after my dinner last night. Apparently, the zucchini didn't affect my loss today, thankfully. I'm also glad to know that I can occasionally add in something like zucchini and still stay on course.

Today was the first day of my 3-day weekend. I was so tired I slept in, and just puttered around the house today. Doing wash, etc. Not very newsy- I hope everybody has a great day losing!

R3P2 VLCD 10

2010-04-08T20:36:00.000-05:00

-0.0 lbs today, 194.9 at weigh-in, -13.0lbs total so far.

-0.0 AGAIN. Today is 2 days in a row without a loss. I did the same thing a few days back, and then had a nice drop the following 2 days. Hopefully, the same thing will happen tomorrow.

Today I struggled with thinking that I have 28 more days of VLCD to go, and I'm only on day 10. It seems like SUCH a long stretch! I'm bored to tears with what I've been eating, and just need to change things up a bit. I went out on a limb today, and did something I haven't done in any previous round. I had zucchini for dinner. I know zucchini isn't a strictly legal veggie, but I don't like very many of my allowed veggies, and am bored with what I do like. I prepared grilled chicken breast, sauteed julienned zucchini, and put 1TBS WF no-calorie no-fat Alfredo Sauce on top. It was yummy. I would definitely eat that again, providing I don't see a jump on the scale tomorrow morning!

I'm also going to try making a version of a Vietnamese soup this weekend. I'll use chicken broth, chicken or shrimp, lemongrass, ginger, tomato & bok choy. Yes, I know that I'm mixing veggies, but we'll see what happens. I have to get some new recipes in my little repertoire, just so that I can stay on track. I figure its better to stay on track than totally veer off course, and start cheating for reals. I also got the WF chocolate dipping sauce for a little taste of chocolate. I'm not going to have that very often, but its there if I need a bit.

I know I have at least 2, maybe 3 more rounds to do this year, and I need to make this attractive enough to where I want to keep going. Boredom can spell the end, if you let it. I don't want that to happen.

R3P2 VLCD 9

2010-04-07T21:28:00.000-05:00

-0.0lbs today, 194.9 at weigh-in, -13.0lbs total so far.

Yesterday's efforts didn't yield any loss today. I thought about what I ate yesterday, and realized that I had beef for lunch AND dinner. I'll just bet that I'm sensitive to that combination, and shouldn't repeat it. Today I had beef at lunch (chili) and chicken (chicken taco salad) for dinner. I'm hoping that is a better combination for my system, and that I will see a loss tomorrow morning.

I had several moments today where I could have easily gone over to the 'other side' and cheated. I think I am getting really bored with my P2 food choices. Part of the problem is that I am such a picky eater and only like a few of the things that we are allowed. R1 was fine because I was exploring and all the recipes were new. R2 was also OK because I knew the ropes and had found things in R1 that I really liked and repeated it in R2. Now that I'm in R3, I'm still eating the things that worked in R2, but I'm bored. When dh eats Cheetos & pizza in front of me, I am having a trying time not thinking about things other than what I'm allowed to eat and how good they would taste. I have found that things taste differently in each round too. I don't know if hcg does that to you or not-- change the taste of things in each round.

Today was a good day with my new schedule. I think I will like going in earlier, and also leaving earlier. It makes my afternoon seem longer. When I got home this afternoon, I got a really good nap in. I am planning on going to bed by 10pm, so I get a good night's sleep in too. I'm taking Dr. Simeons' recommendation seriously- about sleep being a great help to losing weight!

R3P2 VLCD 8

2010-04-06T21:11:00.001-05:00

-1.1lbs today, 194.9 at weigh-in, -13.0lbs total so far.

I was sort of surprised by my good loss today- I thought I'd lose less than a pound per day from here on out. BUT, I was pleasantly surprised, and am not complaining in the least!

I had a good day at work, and a nice evening. I start new hours tomorrow: 10-3. So that means I'll need to get up a bit earlier to make it in to work earlier. I have a busy day tomorrow, which it always nice. That means I won't have time to think about food!

R3P2 VLCD 7

2010-04-05T20:00:00.000-05:00

-0.9lbs today, 196.0 at weigh-in, -11.9lbs total so far.

At least the scale started moving downward today. I think part of my problem was that I haven't been regular lately. I took a dulcolax and that helped. It was good to see the scale read something different today, 'cuz its been stuck for the last 3 days!

I'm determined to get to bed early this evening. I almost fell asleep on the couch at 7pm!

R3P2 VLCD 6

2010-04-04T18:37:00.001-05:00

-0.0lbs, 196.9 at weigh-in, -11.0lbs so far. -0lbs AGAIN. I don't know what's going on, 'cuz this is 3 days in a row that I've had no loss. However, in looking at the bigger picture, I can't complain, 'cuz I've lost 11 lbs!

I got through lunch with the IL's OK. However, by the time we got home, it was 3pm and I hadn't eaten since breakfast, and I was the biggest bitch! I told Mr. ld that I just can't do that again. Its too much to ask. Everything they were eating looked scrumptious, and I had my hot tea. Plus, they wanted to take a long, languorous lunch and I just wanted to get home and eat my 3.5oz of protein and a bit of tomato!

The best thing to happen today was when I went to get dressed for church, I was able to fit into a 2-piece dress I'd purchased 14 years ago! All this time, its had the tags on it, just hanging in my closet, waiting for me to fit into it. I thought I'd try it, and sure enough, it fit!! That was a wonderful feeling!! Just being able to wear something new: priceless!!

I've prepared chili for work lunches this coming week, so I won't repeat last week's mistake of having nothing prepared. It smells great!

Happy Easter everybody!!

R3P2 VLCD 6

2010-04-03T13:40:00.000-05:00

-0.0 today, 196.9 at weigh-in, -11.0 so far this round.

Last night's dinner did me in. Not that I went off protocol, but the new recipe I tried was far, far, FAR too salty, and I paid the price this morning at weigh-in. I tried a teriyaki fish recipe from the yahoo forum files section. It called for 4TBS of Bragg's Aminos for 2 servings, which at the time seemed too much, but hey, I didn't write the recipe. It was horrible. Mr. ld wanted to have some, and he agreed. It was too salty, too fishy, and yucky. I didn't even eat more than a couple of bites of my serving, and called it quits for my meal. It was that bad. At the time, I said to Mr. ld that I thought all that sodium might screw up my weigh-in, and sure enough, it did. I even drank LOTS of extra water, hoping to flush it out of my system, but that didn't help.

Today, I've kept on track eating wise, and am hoping I see a result tomorrow morning.

I did go back and get that top I saw and liked when I went shopping on Thursday evening. While there, I looked around again, and made mental notes of brands and styles I liked. I did think everything looked SOOOOOO small!! How are designers cutting things nowadays? It's all so tiny! My eyes definitely need to adjust....

R3P2 VLCD 5

2010-04-02T14:40:00.002-05:00

-2.8lbs today, 196.9 at weigh-in, -11.0lbs so far this round. Not bad for 4 days effort-

I am very surprised (but pleased nonetheless) at my weigh-in weight this morning. I actually got on the scale 4-5 times, and moved the scale around on the floor, just to see if it would read differently in different spots at different times. I wasn't expecting this today.

Perhaps one of two things is going on- I don't know but here are my guesses:

One: my body is just more than ready to release this extra weight I gained past my LDW of my R2. It wants to quickly get back to that weight. After that, I may see more realistic losses this round.

Two: I am mixing my solution differently this round. Before, on my other 2 rounds, I would mix 4ml of distilled water & 4ml of flavored vodka. This round, I am mixing 6ml of distilled water & 2ml of flavored vodka. Can't really say why I was inspired to change my mix, but I thought I would try it this way this time. I am still using up my last 2 vials of Hucog-brand hcg, so I haven't tip-toed into 'new' territory with my Ovidac-brand. Using the new brand hcg, will be another differentiation that will have to be explored.

TOM came yesterday, so to see any losses yesterday and today was astonishing. I've had particularly bad PMS this cycle, and have felt extremely tired. I always have extreme fatigue a couple of days before it starts, but this go-round it has lasted for the last 3 days. I went to bed last night at 12am, and woke up at 10am, and could have slept more, but I had things to do. That is unusual for me. I'll be glad when the extra energy I usually feel from the hcg kicks in!

MIL called today and wants to go out to Easter lunch on Sunday with us. I told her that I would be happy to go sit with them, while DH and IL's eat, but that I won't be eating. If that was OK with her, then we could make plans to join them. She said she was fine with that. This will be the first time I've gone out to 'eat' with them, and I've not eaten, while on P2. I've gone out before, taken my food, and my FIL made a comment. Even though he knew I would be doing that beforehand, apparently it embarrassed him, and he made a comment that didn't sit well with me, so that was the end of that. We'll see how this arrangement goes with him. I'll order hot tea, and slowly drink that. I find hot beverages sort of quell my hunger. Of course, I'll have taken a LifeCaps ahead of time as well. And I'll be watching the clock so that the gathering doesn't go too long-- I've got to get home and eat lunch! We'll be meeting them at the restaurant after going to church that morning, so there won't be time to eat in between, except for my apple that I will probably bring along!

I'm determined to move forward on my organizing/purging/sorting projects around the house this weekend. So, even though its a holiday weekend, there's still lots of activity around here doing chores! It feels good for the energy to be moving in this house. Sometimes, that's what you need to have hope that things are slowly changing!

To answer y'all's questions yesterday, I did find 3 tops that I LOVED! 2 of them were blouses, that had adorable detailing. However, they were very expensive, and for that sort of money, I felt I should wait and see what size I will end up being. The third one was a knit top that was loose fitting, but would be adorable with jeans, in a size L. I'm still mulling that one over. They only had the one left, so I can't mull too long, if I'm serious. Its a top that would be adorable with close-fitting jeans, and doesn't need to be fitted itself. Even if the L shrunk a bit, I could still wear it if I was smaller. However, even at my thinnest, I would still buy L's because I hate things to fit too tightly. I would always allow for shrinkage by buying an L; it would sort of shrink into a loose-fitting M. That one was less-expensive, and would be very cute. ...I feel like I'm talking myself into that one-- YIKES! You are right Jen, shopping is something I need to 'practice' at, will eventually get better at, and feel more comfortable with the sizes and styles. I used to be an expert at it- and I mean EXPERT! Hopefully, it'll be like riding a bike!

R3P2 VLCD 4

2010-04-01T21:29:00.000-05:00

-1.6lbs today, 199.7 at weigh-in, -8.2lbs total so far. ONEDERLAND!! Just by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin, but that's OK. ONE-anything is SOOOO much better than two-something!

After work today, I needed to go to the department store to get some make-up foundation, and while there, I took the opportunity to look at some clothes (just looking!) in regular sizes. I looked at a couple of stores, trying to get my eye adjusted to the styles and looks that appeal to me. To have such a vast selection is all new. I haven't been able to shop in regular stores/sizes for almost twenty years. I'm trying to get used to the fact that sometime this year, I'll be able to select some of these things for myself, and BE ABLE to actually wear them! I find that very exciting!! I'm not buying anything yet, because I don't know what size I'll be. It will be SOOO VERY nice to be able to say that I wear something other than XXL or 'Where is your women's department (not ladies sizing)?'

R3P2 VLCD 3

2010-03-31T22:12:00.000-05:00

201.3 at weigh-in this morning, -3.3lbs today, -6.6lbs lost total. I'm surprised but extremely delighted with my weigh-in this morning!!

I had such a long day today at work, and didn't get home until 9:15pm. I didn't eat dinner until around 9:30pm. Very bad. I'm hoping that my eating so late won't reflect negatively on the scale tomorrow morning! I'm absolutely exhausted from today, and just want to crawl into bed, and kiss myself goodnight!!

R3P2 VLCD 2

2010-03-30T20:05:00.000-05:00

204.6 at weigh-in today, -3.3lbs from yesterday's efforts. I'm very pleased! Its a good start, and a good whack away at the dedicated loading weight I gained in the last 3 days. I'm making quick work of those loading lbs!

I'm still getting back in the groove of preparing meals. I had to wake up early to fix my lunch for work today, and ended up grilling some chicken to make an Asian Chicken Salad. Its made with chicken breast, fresh savoy cabbage, green onion, and cilantro. I put a little WF Asian Salad Dressing on it-- YUM! For dinner, I prepared grilled steak with Mrs. Dash steak seasoning, and mashed radishes. It was delicious- I cooked 2 of everything, so I have a little back-up & don't have to cook so much later this week.

I slept a little better last night, but I'm still very sore and covered with bruises. I worked so hard moving furniture and boxes around last Friday, and am still recovering. I will continue working on my sorting/purging/donating project this Friday. I made tremendous progress last week, and you can actually see the floor in the dining room!

R3P2 VLCD 1

2010-03-29T19:29:00.000-05:00

207.9 to start this round. +4.4lbs from loading (if you want to ONLY count the last 3 days I forcefully loaded! I did a wee-bit of loading prior to these last 3 days). SO, we have established I am GOOD and loaded!!

Today went well as a first day out on the VLCD portion of P2. I didn't get my lunches made yesterday like I had hoped, and that is one thing that always helps me during the work week.

I worked too hard organizing around the house on Friday, and just wore myself out. I am covered in bruises and was so sore, that I really didn't sleep well over the weekend. That is why I was too tired to do much of anything yesterday. I slept better last night, and hope to do even better tonight!

R3 Loading Day 2

2010-03-27T18:50:00.000-05:00

I had forgotten JUST HOW hard loading can be! But I am pressing through, and gorging on lots of fats! Yesterday (loading day 1) I weighed in at 203.5. After eating lots & lots of fat yesterday, today I weighed in at 205.9. +2.4lbs in one day- I guess that represents LOTS of good loading!

I think the hardest part with loading is feeling like you are taking 4 steps backward with your weight. For me, since I wasn't vigilant enough in my R2P4 about maintaining my LDW, I am really feeling like I am almost back where I was at the beginning of my R2. I came away from R2 losing weight, but after my P4, I had regained almost 11 lbs of what I had lost. I MUST be far more conservative in my food choices in R3P4, and much more careful about maintaining my LDW.

'When you know better, you do better', so says Maya Angelou. And she is right! After doing successive rounds, you just learn what works for you and what doesn't. You learn where you need to try harder, and where you can let up. I think that's the best thing about doing more shorter rounds, versus doing fewer longer rounds. I started off this protocol thinking I would do longer rounds and get the weight off faster. However, after doing 2 rounds now, and starting my third round, I am believing that shorter rounds are the way I need to go. I'm going to be doing 38 day rounds until I can get the weight off of me. I selected 38 days because that lets me finish each round on a Thursday, starting P3's on Fridays. That's important for me, because to date, I've had difficult beginnings to P3's, and I want to be at home, just in case history repeats itself.

One change I'm making this round is the addition of turmeric to my daily intake. Turmeric is a cholagogue that will help my liver continue to make bile. Bile is what helps digest fats. Apparently, I'm not making bile when I'm on P2, since I'm not eating enough fat to do so. I'm hopeful that by taking turmeric daily, I won't experience the difficult transition into P3 again.

Off to eat more fat!

R2P4 Day 20

2010-03-24T09:29:00.000-05:00

Isn't it incredible how, even though we haven't met face-to-face, I feel like I know each of you? I feel your encouragement and support every day, and I feel blessed by it. I SO appreciate that you keep me honest, and if I stray too far from my stated goal, you will hold my feet to the fire. On the other hand, you are there for me with a kind word and a hug, if I need that too! I feel so lucky to have you in my life, and so blessed to have become a part of this community. Every day, when I check in with each of you, I feel like I get to know you a little bit better, and look forward to learning more about you. I love that you are there for me too.

I get strength and determination from your encouragement, and I have learned so much from reading about your struggles as well. You guys keep me focused. We are able to share openly and honestly, and reap the rewards of that. Sometimes, it may hurt a little, but we are all getting closer to our goals, and seeing some of our dreams become reality.

Each of you has been drawn into my life for a reason, and I always look forward to your posts. I thank you that you take time out of your busy lives, to check in on me and write a little something that always brightens my day!

Ok--- time for a group hug!!!

R2P4 Day 19

2010-03-23T20:00:00.000-05:00

-0.0 on the scale this morning. Absolutely no change from yesterday, even after eating clean. I ate pretty clean today, up until dinner. When Mr. ld called and asked if I would like Popeye's fried chicken for dinner, I had no will-power. I'm not beating myself up over it, and have taken the view that since I start loading Friday, this is sort of a pre-load!

I'm just going to enjoy myself until Friday, when I will be eating with a purpose in mind, before I start R3. Whatever gains I experience will be taken care of when the hcg kicks in with the VLCD's. I'm hoping to lose 30lbs this R3. However, whatever I lose will bring me closer to my goal. I would like to reach 130 sometime this year; that would be the best gift I could ever give myself.

R2P4 Day 18

2010-03-22T21:28:00.000-05:00

Whoa-- I guess my system really doesn't like Indian food. Without exception, every time I've had it, my weight increases the next day. Mr. ld really wanted to go eat Indian yesterday for lunch, and since my next round starts this coming Friday, and we won't be going out to eat for a long time after that, I couldn't tell the poor man 'No'. So eat we did. I didn't go overboard, but sure enough, this morning, I was at 201.5-- YIKES. +1.1lbs from yesterday and +9.0 over LDW. OMG, I certainly didn't want to cross the 200 threshold again!

On that note, of course today was clean eating. Scrambled eggs & bacon for breakfast, tuna salad & cantaloupe for lunch, and an asian chicken salad for dinner. I drank water like a fish all day-- I'm feel like I'm floating. We'll just see if this effort will equal a loss on the scale tomorrow morning.

The best news of the day was that the first of 2 boxes of my hcg order arrived today! I ordered 20 vials of freeze-dried hcg, and half of my order showed up today. I'm sure the other half won't be far behind. I am AMAZED at how quickly I got this order. I got the e-mail saying that the order shipped on 03/16. 6 days later, it's here!! Incredible!

R2P4 Day 17

2010-03-21T11:07:00.001-05:00

Hello, my name is Lavenderdiva, and I have a problem with food. I eat too much, and can't say 'No', or at times, don't want to say 'No'. I am not caring about what is going to happen to my weight when I say 'I want a sandwich with potato chips on the side, and a real coke', or 'why don't I have a hot fudge sundae with butterfinger sprinkled on top-- for the 3rd night in a row!'. OR, 'its 3am, and I can't sleep, so why don't I get up out of the bed, and go into the kitchen, and fix a bowl of cereal, bring it back to bed, and eat it. That will help me get to sleep (????? how does that make sense?????)'. I use food as a comfort-mechanism.

200.4 at weigh-in this morning, up +2.6lbs in the last 2 days, +7.9lbs over LDW. It is time to get real, and put a stop to this. I am headed down a familiar path of gaining back what I worked hard to lose, and with my R3 starting next Friday, I don't want to RE-lose weight I already lost! Time to get back to basics, eat clean, & get this extra weight off before next Friday. So much for stabilization, and its my own fault.

R2P4 Day 15

2010-03-19T10:21:00.000-05:00

OK gals-- this is NUTS. I got on the scale this morning, after that HEAVY dinner and dessert I had last night, and guess what? I was the same weight as yesterday morning! SAME WEIGHT. How is that possible? I think there might be an iddy-biddy bit of stabilizing going on? I don't want to push my luck and go hog-wild with eating, but its nice to know that I can enjoy a few indulgences from time to time, and not worry.

I also notice that this phenomenon is happening nearer the end of my P4. I would not have dared try last night's dinner combination earlier in P4. I feel certain it would have been disastrous.

It also lets me know that my thyroid is on the correct path to helping my metabolism stabilize. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that I was having thyroid trouble in R1, and had all manner of trying weigh-ins in R1. This is SO much better!

I find it interesting how many of you say how good I sound- I dunno! I don't want anyone to think I'm walking on air over here, and don't have a worry in the world. There's a lot of frustration going on in my life, with my job, my home, and my hubby. However, the weight loss is going fine, and you dear souls are there daily for me. Those are blessings indeed!

R2P4 Day 14

2010-03-18T22:23:00.001-05:00

Well. Something must have been in that hot fudge! I don't know what, 'cuz I don't remember adding in magic dust, but today when I got on the scale, I'd LOST--- L.O.S.T.-- 0.2lbs. I can't explain it, so I'll just be thankful-

Today went well eating wise up until dinner, but I may pay the piper tomorrow morning, because of what I had for dinner. Dinner was a steak and loaded baked potato, with ice-cream, hot fudge, & 1 mini butterfinger crushed on top for dessert. I also had a glass of champagne with dinner. It was a YUMMY dinner! It wasn't a celebration or anything, just a meal that I had been craving for some time now. I haven't had a potato since last October! It was delicious! Since this is my last week of P4, I'm mentally going through the list of things I want to enjoy before I have to get back on the straight and narrow of VLCD's. Steak & baked potato: check!

Yes, helderheid- I will be so glad when I start my next round next Friday! I am very much looking forward to shedding more weight. I also LOVE the way I feel on hcg! I am thinking that this round coming up, will be one of the more transforming rounds that I'll experience. I started this journey with a VERY round face and body. I mean, my goodness, at almost 240lbs and 5ft 6in. tall, there's only one way to look: round. This past R2P2 started to show some angles on my face again, and I lost some of my butt (which is the start of a good thing). This next round, I think will reveal more of my face, and I'll lose enough to where normal-sized clothing will fit, and look much better on me. That will be very exciting for me!

I literally have EVERY size from 6 to 24 in my closet, so the more weight I lose, I will enjoy wearing some 'new' clothes. They won't be really new, but they're clothes that I either wore before when I was much smaller, OR they're clothes that I purchased in a smaller size some time ago, dreaming that I would be that size again. In a short time, I will be able to enjoy wearing those things again, and feel so much better about myself.

Just because you asked, here is the PERFECT recipe for hot fudge sauce:

Ben & Jerry’s Hot Fudge Sauce:

4oz. unsweetened chocolate
½ cup (1 stick) butter
¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 cups sugar
½ cup milk
½ cup heavy or whipping cream

-melt the chocolate & butter stirring frequently, in the top of a double boiler over simmering water. Add the cocoa and whisk until dissolved.

-using a slotted spoon, gradually stir in the sugar (the mixture should be the consistency of wet sand). Cook, stirring occasionally over simmering water for 20 minutes. Check the water level in the double boiler occasionally & replenish if necessary.

-gradually stir in the milk and cream & keep stirring until completely blended. Continue cooking, stirring and checking the water occasionally, for 1 hour.

The hot fudge is ready when it is completely smooth and all the sugar is dissolved.

Makes 1 generous quart. Keep refrigerated until serving. You can microwave for 1 minute until the fudge is warm and creamy again.

R2P4 Day 13

2010-03-17T22:32:00.000-05:00

198.0 again at weigh-in this morning. No gain, no loss, even though I ate clean all day yesterday. hmmmm.... After reading your blogs today, it seems something is in the water with everyone gaining or not losing!

I ate clean all day today, until after dinner. I made homemade Ben & Jerry's Hot Fudge sauce, and had some of that with ice-cream and a crushed-up mini butterfinger sprinkled on top. PURE heaven in a bowl! I can't tell you how long I've searched for the perfect hot fudge sauce recipe, and this was it-- by far, just outstanding. It was well worth the pounds I may have to account for tomorrow morning. We'll just have to see.

I'm not going to start really worrying about my weight until I get closer to 200. I'm giving myself some leeway to enjoy this part of my P4, as my next round starts one week from tomorrow.

R2P4 Day 12

2010-03-16T22:21:00.000-05:00

Whoops! up 1.3lbs to 198 today. Must have been the 2 Snickerdoodle cookies and 4 Double-stuff Oreos I 'fell' into last night! I also had a taco salad with little bits of taco shell acting as croutons on my salad. That was probably a wee-bit on the big side too. So, it all added up to a 1.3lb gain today.

SO-- that means it was clean eating for me today. Hopefully, I'll see a nice little result from my efforts on the scale tomorrow morning!

R2P4 Day 11

2010-03-15T20:05:00.000-05:00

Something's stabilizing it seems! 196.7 at weigh-in the last 3 mornings, including this morning. Welcome news indeed! AND I started adding in low-carb pasta, 2 slices of cheese pizza including the thin crust, and a couple of chocolate-covered almonds, and STILL weighed 196.7!!

Yes, its 4.2lbs over my LDW, but ya know what? I don't care. I only care that I'm stabilizing well at some weight that's lower than 200lbs. I'll be very happy if I can start my next round, under 200lbs, and I've stabilized somewhere in that range. I'm not going to be picky and make my self crazy between now and March 26th.

There's so much to be happy about where I am with my weight right now, that I'm not going to quibble with a pound or two. At last, I'm under 200lbs. I am able to enjoy some foods I love, in moderation, and not have them radically skew my weight. I'm learning to choose food wisely, both in content and portion-size. And I'm looking forward to beginning my next round, and losing even more weight!

R2P4 Day 9

2010-03-13T10:15:00.000-06:00

196.7 today kiddos- that's +1.2 over yesterday, and +4.2 over LDW. Since steak days and me have sort of parted ways for the time being, I'm just going to be eating really clean today, and see if I can't shake some of this excess weight up and off of me.

I think my gain can be contributed to 4 things: the black beans I ate at lunch yesterday, the ji-normous steak I ate for dinner, the sugar-free ice-cream I ate at 9pm, and the bowl of Special K cereal I ate at 3am (when I couldn't get to sleep). And yes, I probably couldn't get to sleep because I'd eaten the ice-cream so late! So yeah, (right) that makes sense to go eat some more in the middle of the night. NOT. But somehow it does make sense when you are bleary-eyed and its 3am.

I actually thought after those eating antics last night, my gain this morning might be more than 1.2lbs. So I am pleased it wasn't more, and that tells me that were I to eat properly ALL day, I don't think I would have gained anything from the black beans at lunch. My body is stabilized --or stabiliz-ING--, but I keep doing things to mess that up. To me, that logic makes sense. Does it to you? What I'm trying to say (and rather poorly), is that if I didn't eat the sugar-free ice-cream at 9pm and have a bowl of cereal at 3am, AND eat ji-normous steaks for dinner (unless I'm on a steak day), my body would reward me with a stable weight. I'm thwarting my metabolism with my actions.

The good thing is that I am making baby steps forward in my thinking about what I'm eating and when. Yes, some of those steps come AFTER the fact of doing something other than what I should be doing, but the steps are coming. That is progress my friends! To be AWARE is progress. Even if it is late awareness, it will help me the next time that situation arises.

R2P4 Day 8

2010-03-12T16:18:00.000-06:00

Oddly enough, after clean eating yesterday, today's weigh-in read 195.5-- the same weight as yesterday morning. I wasn't too worried. I know I'm stabilizing, and this P3/P4 has been ever so much better than R1's P3/P4. helderheid is right when she suggests that my thyroid medication has everything to do with how much better these last 2 phases have been for me.

I decided I would try something different today, and took myself out to lunch at Cafe' Express. I had the grilled southwestern chicken, which is a grilled chicken breast in a black bean sauce, with roasted red peppers, cilantro, a little cheese (really not much at all), teen-insy tortilla bits, guacamole, & a little squeeze of serrano crema. Its yummy. Its also the first time this P4 that I'm trying a starch (the black beans). I will see how this affects my weigh-in tomorrow morning.

I'm off to do more organizing around the house today, and enjoy this beautiful day!

R2P4 Day 7

2010-03-11T09:31:00.000-06:00

Good morning Sunshines!

I ate clean yesterday, and the scale rewarded me this morning: 195.5, -1.4 from yesterday's efforts (a FAR better result than from my steak day), but still +3.0 over LDW. I had my usual breakfast and lunch: 1 scrambled egg made w/ cream, 3 slices bacon, 4oz. Diet Cran-Grape Juice, 1 cup of hot tea, Tuna salad made with chopped celery, sugar-free pickle relish, mayo, onion powder, garlic powder, cantaloupe, and LOTS of water all day. For dinner I had grilled tuna steak with mango pico de gallo, steamed broccolini with butter, & iced tea. A little later I treated myself to a cup of Sugar-free, decaffeinated Suisse Mocha mostly made with water, and a little splash of cream at the end. Its very satisfying if you want something warm and chocolate.

I'm thinking that tonight, dinner will be poached salmon in white wine with a few peppercorns thrown in, and either snow peas & cremini mushrooms w/ fresh ginger, OR steamed green beans w/ butter.

Even though I can have sugar & starches because I'm in P4, right now I think while I'm trying to get back to my LDW by eating clean, I'm not going to muddle my metabolism by attempting to include them. Yesterday I noticed that since I've been in P4 1 week now, I haven't even tried one piece of bread, or any starchy veggies, such as potatoes. I do want to include them at some point, but just not now. By including them, I want my metabolism to realize that they will be a part of a normal diet, and it needs to adjust to them. However, more important is getting back to my LDW. I still have 2 more weeks to work up to including them.

THE most important thing for me is to maintain my LDW, so that when I start my next round on March 26th, I am losing new weight.

In going through my clothes last week, I came across several beautiful suits that I could be wearing to work, were I a size 14. For grins, I tried on the pants to one of the suits, to see how far away I am from being able to wear it. While I couldn't zip the pants, at least I could get the pants on all the way. That is sure progress! I'll just bet that somewhere in my next round, I can start wearing those suits I bought so long ago (I think they'd still be in style-?- who cares, I love them!). THAT would be so exciting for me!!

R2P4 Day 6

2010-03-10T09:22:00.001-06:00

OK. I guess I don't know what to think about my body's reaction to steak days anymore. I did a steak day yesterday, and when I got on the scale today: -0.0. STILL at 196.9. There was no funny business yesterday, just a pure steak-only day. I have heard from other hcg'ers that after awhile, steak days lose their effectiveness. I don't know about that, but maybe they are losing that 'one-two-punch' for me. Maybe I need to try an apple-cheese day or one of the other 'special' days next time.

For now, since I didn't lose anything from yesterday's efforts, I will just eat clean until I lose this extra weight. Man, you'd think that going through this AGAIN, would make me think twice about binging in the future! You'd think I would remember this!

What it does let me know, is that those behaviors that got me into being THIS overweight in the first place, are still lurking around inside my head. In some sense, its a good thing that I still have about 3-4 more rounds to go, to get all of the weight off of me. I find that with each successive round, I become more knowledgeable and more determined NOT to make the same mistakes I did last time. So, I am thinking that by the end of this journey, I will have (or hope to have) tamed the beast that made me fat-

I did purchase hcg yesterday to be ready for all those upcoming rounds, later this year. I bought enough for 4 more rounds, and ended up getting the Ovidac 2000ius. I am hoping I will have as good a result with that brand as I did with the Hucog-brand. They are both made in India.

Hugs to each and everyone of you. Just a shout-out to you to again remind you how special each one of you are to me, and how much your input is valued over here! Thank you!!

R2P4 Day 5

2010-03-09T22:17:00.000-06:00

Man o man. This darned pinch nerve in my neck is a PAIN!

Yesterday, I was doing so well on my 'clean eating' day until after dinner. Then, when my neck really flared up, (and I can't explain why I did this), I went on quite an eating jaunt! Sugar-free ice-cream, a whole row of double-stuff Oreos, jalapeno Cheetos, and bacon. When I write those things down, they don't even sound so good, much less in rapid sequence! I was sure I had gained at least 5lbs after that binge. However, when I got on the scale this morning, I had gained 2lbs, up to 196.9, +4.4 over my LDW. Of course, today was a steak day. One good thing that I noticed from my binge, was that I ONLY gained 2lbs, so I guess in some weird sense that I'm stabilizing.

It was an OK day as far as my steak day went, however, this evening my brother-in-law & sister-in-law came in town, and we all went out to eat with my dh's parents, and his aunt & uncle. I had my steak before we left for the restaurant, and then Mr. ld, much to my embarrassment, made the announcement at the table that I wouldn't be eating. I was hoping, because the group was so large, to just sit at my end of the table, and drink my water, and have no one really be the wiser. But NO. Of course, he got a swift kick under the table.

I'm hoping that my efforts today will bring me back down into 'safe' territory. And I'm also hoping that I can get some sleep tonight, and then my neck will feel better. When I get really tired, it REALLY hurts!

Goodnight my sweets!

R2P4 Day 3

2010-03-07T11:12:00.000-06:00

-0.6lbs from my steak day effort. Not exactly what I was hoping for, as the scale read 194.9. I need to be down to 194.5 to be within my 2lb range. SO, today is a really clean-eating day. I've found successive steak days don't work all that well for me, but clean eating usually does. Much easier mentally too.

I've got lots of organizing to do around the house today. Just starting a project will make me feel better, I think.

My mom was a hoarder. Have I already told you guys this story? I hope I'm not repeating myself, sorry if I am. She wasn't always that way, but at the end of her life it was VERY bad. The sort of bad that you sometimes see on the front of a newspaper, and your heart goes out to that person, and wonder how on earth could they live that way. She had many, many problems at the end of her life, and she died very young, at 62. She needed help, but I was too young, and didn't know what to do. My father didn't want to or didn't know HOW to help her. So, she just got worse and worse. Eventually, she died of a sudden heart attack, 4 months to the day after my father died of a sudden heart attack.

And then all those years of hoarding became my problem. She died in 1996, 14 years ago. I ended up having to quit my job at the time, because her house and possessions took all of my time sorting out. At some point, all I could do, to get her house on the market, was just pack everything up, and put it into 3 HUGE storage units. They sat there for several years, because I didn't have the emotional energy to go through everything and send it away. It was a monumental task. At the beginning, I had 2 very dear friends who would come over to her house to help me clean it up and pack away everything. But at the point I had to decide what to do with everything, I was on my own. After many years, and thousands of dollars spent on storage fees I might add, the stuff had to be looked at and gone through. I thought I would lose my mind. And I sort of did. At some point, I was diagnosed with a major depression, and was on medication for that for many years.

There are still collections of hers that I need to put up for auction, but with the economy the way it is, I probably wouldn't realize very much for them. So, I keep holding on to them. Which is sort of my problem now.

Keep in mind, when my parents passed away, I owned my own 3-story townhome, beautifully decorated, and FULL of my own stuff. Very organized, but full. They died. Stuff went into storage. Some got donated, some got sold, some kept. Then I got married to a husband who was 52 at that time, had lived a full life, had his own stuff, been married before, had stuff left over from that. We combined our stuff, and somehow it multiplied. He doesn't have hoarding tendencies necessarily, but will keep stuff far, far, beyond its 'expiration' date. He does have a problem letting go and paring down.

We moved into this home from a much bigger home, so we are feeling cramped with boxes of things that can't be unpacked because there's no place to put them. We need to renovate the kitchen, family room, master bath & hall bath. There's no timetable for those changes because there's no money to put toward them. Mr. ld has to find a job, and I need more hours.

All this to say that I'm starting to feel like my mother. I make beautiful homes for other people, but come home to a big mess. Its not really from hoarding, but if you didn't know that, it doesn't look very different. Its depressing.

Recently, I've been looking at new fabrics for this house, trying to get some inspiration, dreaming of this house looking different than it does now to make myself feel better about my situation; its escapism at its purest form. I was showing some of my selections to my boss, and while she liked the direction I was going in creatively, she cautioned me that she was concerned about me turning into my mom. If I were to get the fabric (which I can't afford right now anyway), it would just sit in a corner, and then when/if we are ready to renovate, I will probably be tired of looking at it and want something new, or it won't be the right amount of fabric that I need anyway. Her feeling is to not get anything new. Get rid of old. She's right.

I just wanted to dream of having something other than what I do have. I hate where I am right now, and sometimes feel powerless to change it. I get so overwhelmed sorting through stuff all the time, and feel like that's all I've done for the last 14 years, and its never-ending.

I'm the person who's desk and workspace at work is always tidy and organized. When I leave each day, everything is put away and neatly organized. And then I come home. To a complete mess, that never looks any different. Its the most frustrating thing in the whole world to me. HOW is it that I can manage complete home renovations for people, making their homes beautiful in the end, but I can't get a handle on my own situation? Its mystifying............

R2P4 Day 2

2010-03-06T14:25:00.000-06:00

195.5 at weigh-in this morning, up +1.1lbs from yesterday, & +3.0 over LDW. SO, it is a steak day for me today. Last night, we went to a favorite Vietnamese restaurant with the in-laws. I had 1 spring roll, and a goi-ga salad, which is shredded cabbage, shredded white meat chicken, finely chopped peanuts, cilantro, and a sort of sweet/spicy dressing made with ginger. Its absolutely delicious. I'm not sure if the rice paper spring roll wrapper & the rice noodles inside the roll may have contributed to my gain, but I feel certain that the 1 little Dove chocolate I ate later, along with about 2Tbs of peanut butter may have done me in. I'll hope for a loss at tomorrow's weigh-in, and go from there. If I had been at my LDW yesterday before eating this meal, I would not have had to do a steak day today; so, that is at least something to smile about!

Yesterday, I started planning for my next few rounds, which will be done successively this year; my next round begins March 26th. I have 2ea. 2000iu vials of HCG ready for the beginning of my next round. However, from past experience, I've been using 5 vials per round. I expect to have to do 4 more rounds this year, and so I will need 20 vials. That may give me a little cushion, if I only have to do 3 rounds. In any case, I usually order my hcg from ADC, and have always purchased Novarel 2000iu in their Hucog-brand. It came in a freeze-dried/powdered form along with a 2nd container of a mixing solution. You could then mix the way you wanted to. Also the freeze-dried hcg keeps for a pretty long time if you keep it in a dark place. When I went to their website yesterday, to place my order, I learned that they now only offer the Hucog-brand of hcg as 'pre-mixed'. This means that someone in a factory is taking the powdered form of hcg, mixing it with something, bottling it, and then shipping it like that. That isn't anything I want, AT ALL.

I called ADC, thinking that maybe I was just over-looking what I needed. In fact, the manufacturer of Hucog-brand (Bharat Serum) has changed over to this new way, and I was told that it was because Bharat Serum had received complaints from users about leakage in shipping of the freeze-dried form. Now, this makes NO SENSE to me whatsoever, as there is a metal ring surrounding the vial that holds on the rubber top. Then, there is another plastic ring around that! The sealed vial is then encased in a molded plastic-top casing with a foil backing that you have to punch through to even get to the vial itself. AND now B.S. thinks that shipping a LIQUID will cut down on leakage? Not so much. And I don't buy that that is the reason they're making this change either.

Of course, I went straight to the yahoo forum to see if anyone else had heard of this, and they had. It was a new topic that had just been started. Some people had placed their order in early Feb. and had gotten shipped the liquid, when they had actually ordered the powder, and some had gotten shipped the powder when they had ordered the powder. Everyone was up in arms! Several other posters had also called ADC, and gotten different stories. Its not ADC making the change, its Bharat Serum.

Some of the yahoo posters feel that since hcg is becoming a popular weight-loss aid, perhaps B.S. got wind of this and changed their formula to make more money off of us. The reasoning the poster mentioned was that when we get freeze-dried product, we control HOW MUCH and HOW far that vial of hcg is going to go. When B.S mixes it, we get no say in how far the product goes (along with a lot of other variables), so we would need to purchase more. I'm not sure about any of this, or the true reason behind the change, but I have a lot of concerns about what the pre-mixing does to the hcg, and I certainly would not recommend purchasing it.

The problem with shipping pre-mixed hcg, is that once hcg is in a solution, it's shelf-life is drastically reduced. The hcg molecules are also easily bruised in solution. Was the vial tossed around in shipping? Was the vial exposed to light (which it should not be) once it was in solution before packaging, and for how long? All of these factors can reduce the effectiveness of the hcg, once you receive it. Getting the freeze-dried product, YOU control all of the variables.

Thankfully, helderheid received the powder form she had just ordered! For the rest of us, there are still several other brands of freeze-dried hcg that ADC still carries. 2 brands come with the rubber stopper, that I happen to prefer: Ovidac (which is made in India) and Corion (which is made in Switzerland). The Ovidac is a bit more expensive than the Hucog-brand, but it is less expensive than the Corion. I'm going to try ordering the Ovidac on Monday, and hope I have as good a result as I've had these past few months with the Hucog-brand.

Now we're all in the 'know'!

R2P4 Day 1

2010-03-05T09:55:00.000-06:00

What a nice way to start P4! 194.4. Indeed, I am 1.9lbs above my LDW. HOWEVER, I am the SAME, yes: S. A. M. E. weight as yesterday!!! Why the elation you may ask? Last night, I 'fell into' (as our beloved helderheid may say) a bowl of real ice-cream, and an entire Green & Black's brand milk chocolate & almond candy bar- 3.5oz. THAT is why I am beside myself at this weigh-in this morning!!

I was more than a bit anxious approaching the scale today, thinking I may have 'undone' my stabilization efforts with all that sugar I ate lat night. However, I need not have worried. I guess my hypothalamus is responding to the protocol, just as it should! Finally!!!!! I know I don't want to indulge too frequently in these sorts of treats, but it IS nice to know that on occasion, I can indulge an itty-bitty bit and not worry.

I LOVE THIS PROTOCOL!!

R2P3 Day 21

2010-03-04T20:07:00.000-06:00

194.4 at weigh-in this morning. JUST under my 2lb limit. My TOM came today, so I am blaming a large portion of this 1.7lb gain to that. The other part may have been my salad for dinner last night; I had a sneaking suspicion about that. Thankfully, I didn't have to do a steak day today, in any case.

Unfortunately, I have been suffering with a pinched nerve in my neck for a little over a week now. The pain is just excruciating. I haven't really slept well in the last week, because I find it hard to get comfortable. Since we don't have insurance, or any extra money just now, going to the Dr. is out of the question. I've been reading about the condition on-line, and basically it says that your body will heal itself in a few weeks!! (if only I can hold on that long!) I cried in the car on the way home from work tonight, because my neck and right arm hurt so badly. I have an ice pack on my neck right now, hoping to minimize some of the inflammation. I gave in to temptation and had a small bowl of regular ice-cream right after my early dinner, indulging my self-pity. Since I start P4 tomorrow morning, it wasn't too bad of a 'cheat'. I'm sure the scale will tell me otherwise tomorrow morning, and I may be doing a steak day tomorrow, as a result. oh. well. The pain just sucks big ones.....

R2P3 Day 20

2010-03-03T22:19:00.000-06:00

WooHOO- 192.7 on the scale this morning-- I'm stabilizing! Same weight as yesterday!

I had my usual breakfast this morning: 1 scrambled egg made with cream, 3 pieces bacon, 1/2 cup Diet Cran-Grape Juice, and 1 cup of decaf coffee with cream.

Lunch was also my usual: albacore tuna salad with Duke's mayo, sugar-free pickle relish, chopped celery. 2 slices of canteloupe.

Dinner: fresh salad with lettuce, grilled chicken breast, 1/2 bell pepper, 2 cremini mushrooms sliced, green onions, cilantro, fresh tomato, bacon bits, shredded cheese, & ranch dressing mix made with cream.

I'm hoping my dinner salad wasn't too much. I guess we'll find out on the scale tomorrow morning!

I will admit that just as it seems that I MIGHT have a little bit of a handle on P3, I only have one more day of it! My P4 starts Friday, and I'm a bit concerned about adding in sugars and starches. The one line from Dr. Simeon's protocol that keeps ringing in my ears is, 'as soon as fats and starch are combined
things are very liable to get out of hand.'

I must be vigilant about monitoring this potent combination of fats and starch. I've come this far, and I don't want to undo my hard work. I don't quite know what to do about this combination, but perhaps someone can share their experiences?

R2P3 Day 19

2010-03-02T20:39:00.000-06:00

Thank you God. The steak day worked: -2.0lbs on the scale this morning, down to 192.7!! Whoop-dee-oop!! My LDW is 192.5, so I am on the cusp of getting back to it, although if I stayed right where I am, I wouldn't be disappointed. I am trying to just maintain within my LDW-2lb 'window'. I'm A-OK with where I am!!

2 more days of P3, and then I get to try my hand at P4. I'm not in a real big hurry to add in bread, but I might like to try pasta once in awhile. Right now, I'm more concerned with maintaining my LDW-weight, and re-setting my hypothalamus.

Today, we started our new reduced-hour schedule. My new day is 11am-4pm, M-Th. I was kinda lost this morning, as it was just too long in the morning between when I woke up, got breakfast, etc, and then when I went to work. I do better busier in the am, and then have a longer afternoon. Next week, I'm going to see if I can try to do 10am-3pm. That way, my afternoons/evenings would be more productive. I'm NOT a morning person AT ALL- I do not wake up raring to 'go' with gobs of energy. I slowly wake up and work up to the day!

R2P3 Day 18

2010-03-01T20:39:00.001-06:00

Recapping the last few days:

Day 15: 193.6 (-1.3lbs from Thurs / +1.1 over LDW)
Day 16: 193.6 (+/- 0.0 / +1.1 over LDW)
Day 17: 193.6 (+/- 0.0 / +1.1 over LDW)

Today, Day 18: 194.7 (+1.1 from Sunday / +2.2 over LDW)

well, well, well. I think I'm sorta stabilizing, except for today's weigh-in. Today's gain can be attributed to yesterday's folly at CiCi's pizza. I read Cleochatra's blog yesterday where she talks about discovering their 'pasta bowl'. You can order it without the pasta or tomato sauce though, just order veggies with melted cheese on top, and yummy! You kinda sorta get the taste of pizza. Mr. ld was stir crazy after not going out to eat in a couple of weeks, so we decided to try it out. It was good, and yes, I did worry about eating canned mushrooms on the pasta bowl. I thought they might have too much sodium in them. I also thought that they may use pre-shredded mozzarella cheese, which I learned recently is coated in cornstarch to prevent the shreds from sticking together. Uh-oh. 2 no-no's (maybe). Well, today's weigh-in proved me right. I should not have indulged yesterday. So, today is a steak day!

Maybe by doing this steak day today, I will gain a little ground in my goal to get back to my LDW of 192.5. Even though all weekend I have been within my 2lb. range above my LDW, I would like to be closer to 192.5. Maybe (just maybe) I will lose the 1.1lbs I gained from CiCi's Pizza yesterday, plus a little more. We'll just have to see.

I got such nice compliments today from Mr. ld and one of my co-workers on my changing shape and face. Mr. ld thinks I am 'skinny', quote. I reminded him I am about 60lbs from being considered 'skinny', but its nice that he is noticing my new shape! My co-worker made a very nice comment about how 'beautiful' (her word not mine!) my face is looking- I'm sure its just that now you can see an actual face that is not hidden behind many rounds of fat! It was very nice to hear, all the same-

I tried walking through Nordstrom last week, just to see the new fashions, and how I would react were I able to shop in 'normal' sizes. I also went to the newly-opened Nordstrom Rack (off-price Nordstrom) as well. I guess I am just clueless when it comes to knowing what to wear anymore. For so long now, I've worn 'art-to-wear' clothing, that has unusual shapes, and generally looks a bit eclectic. Not anything you would see in Bazaar or Elle magazines; no 'named' designers unless you are into that sort of thing. It has its own style, and so its not the 'norm'. To date, for so many years, I haven't been anywhere close to fitting into anything current. If I were able to fit into 'now' styles, I wouldn't know where to begin! Everything is so tight, so fitted. Jackets are much shorter than I am comfortable wearing- even dresses are so short. Keep in mind I'm 52, but not a fuddy-duddy, by a long shot! I don't think I look 52, and don't dress 52 either! My boss has suggested, when I am ready (which won't be for many months) going to the personal shopper at Nordstrom, who could help me go through my closet, and suggest new ways to put together things I already own, and a few new pieces to update my wardrobe. That would probably be a good thing to do, since I am lost going in any store by myself. Oddly, before I gained all this weight, I was an avid shopper, and LOVED to do it! Didn't have any problem putting outfits together. Fearless! I've lost my confidence in knowing what looks good any more. I will need to get back into the swing of things later this year, when I reach my goal!

R2P3 Day 15

2010-02-26T11:11:00.008-06:00

Thank you for the nudge helderheid! I hadn't realized HOW LONG it has been since I posted!! Oops.....

Well, well, well, my sweets! Its been a week of trying to figure out what works for me in P3. P3 has been my nemesis to date. However, I think I have hit on something that seems very elementary, but it does work: just eat 'clean'. At least its worked for me. No more sugar-free ice-cream, no nuts (yet), just eat simply prepared foods (but that are tasty). I am now back in my 2lb-LDW zone, and I'm very happy! Here's what I did to lose that pesky extra poundage this week and how I knew I had to do something quickly about it....

Sat. 02/20: 197.5 (-0.9 from Fri./ +5.0 over LDW)
Sun. 02/21: 199.7 (+2.2 from Sat./ +7.2 over LDW)
Mon. 02/22: 201.7 (+2.0 from Sun./ +9.2 over LDW -- OMG!--)

At this point in my week, I had to take a good, hard look at what I was eating, how much I was eating, and how it was affecting my weight! I could NOT keep doing what I was doing, and undo all that work I put in in R2P2!! I want this weight OFF of me, and I don't want to keep losing the SAME weight at the beginning of every P2. I had to get real, and get back to basics. I was tired of doing 'special' days, steak days, hunger edema days, 'whatever' days. I was going to eat 'clean', eating only what was described in the protocol for P3, and see how my body reacted to that. Guess what? My body had been waiting for my brain to wake up, and see that this was what it wanted all along! I sorta think your body wants to be your LDW/LIW, and sometimes we work against that, with what we are eating.

In any case, starting Monday, after my 201.7 wake-up call, I ate 'clean'. I had 1 scrambled egg made with cream & 3 slices of bacon + hot tea for breakfast, Tuna salad (made with albacore tuna in water that's been well-drained, Duke's mayo--this is regular mayo like Hellman's but it's sugar-free--, & celery, onion powder, garlic powder, & pepper), & either cantaloupe or an apple for lunch, and the following for dinner:

Monday: grilled tuna steak w/ mango pico de gallo, steamed broccolini w/ butter, & iced tea. 1 cup of sugar-free, decaffeinated General Foods International Suisse Mocha coffee w/ a little cream.

Tuesday: boiled shrimp w/ lemon juice & homemade cocktail sauce (made with Heinz reduced sugar Ketchup--note this ketchup has no added sugar to it, only a tiny bit of sugar naturally from the tomatoes-- & horseradish), a green salad (lettuce, tomatoes, green onion & Ranch dressing made from powdered ranch dressing & cream instead of milk or buttermilk), & iced tea. Same after dinner Suisse Mocha.

Wednesday: grilled steak w/ butter & Mrs. Dash Steak Seasoning, green salad (see Tuesday's ingredients), & iced tea. Same after dinner Suisse Mocha.

and of course, each and every day, water, water, water!

Here's my weight loss:

Tues. 02/23: 199.5 (-2.2 from Mon./ +7.0 over LDW)
Weds. 02/24: 196.4 (-3.1 from Tues./ +3.9 over LDW)
Thurs. 02/25: 194.9 (-1.5 from Weds./ +2.4 over LDW)
Fri. 02/26: 193.6 (-1.3 from Thurs/ +1.1 over LDW)

You can see how I am steadily approaching my LDW, and how quickly my body responded to my new way of eating. I am now back in 'safe' territory! I am within my 2lb range above my LDW, and I didn't starve myself, I didn't have to suffer through any 'special' days. I just ate what I was supposed to. I cut back on my breakfast from 2 scrambled eggs & 4-5 pieces of bacon (which was waaaaayyyy too much I admit!) to 1 scrambled egg & 3 pieces of bacon. I ate simply but didn't really deprive myself of anything. I was satisfied. AND my body responded beautifully! I can't tell you how happy I am today!! I will still be eating this way, wanting to get back to my LDW, so that I have a little cushion.

I am hoping this will be the beginning of my 'true' maintenance of my R2 weight loss, and I can hold onto this weight until the beginning of my next R3 (which begins with my loading on 03/26). I want my R3 to address losing 'new' weight, not retread previous weight.

Bit by bit, I think I'm figuring out how to 'work' this protocol for my body. The cholagogue will help (I hope) in my next transition. Closely following R3 guidelines will help me maintain my LDW. Having discovered, and now treating, my hypothyroidism surely will help as well. There are so many prongs of attack that needed to be addressed-- it was wearing me out! I hope I have a handle on P3 now, and will just keep on keeping on!

edit to add: One more thing that I discovered that had gotten away from me this week: I had forgotten to take my high blood pressure medication for over a month!! My body was signaling me that it needed my medication FAST. I'm sure some of my weight gain this past week was retained fluid, causing my blood pressure to escalate. Also, my right arm has been severely aching for a few days. When I took my blood pressure it was 160/106!!! OMG. I am now back on my medication, and my blood pressure is slowly dropping. I hope that by about Monday, I will be back in 'normal' range, and that will be one more issue behind me.

Also, today I received the bill for my last thyroid tests, and the total came to $347.00!!!! We don't have health insurance. As you may recall Mr. ld lost his job earlier this year, and my job doesn't offer it. (BTW, my boss told me yesterday, that she will be cutting back our hours b/c business has been so slow recently). Oh, and the refill for my blood pressure Rx? $93.00 please.

We need single-payer health reform NOW!

R2P3 Day 8

2010-02-19T13:40:00.001-06:00

Yesterday went to hell in a hand-basket for me. It started out by my gaining +0.9 on the scale, 196.7, 4.2lbs over my LDW. Then, at work, I had the MOST frustrating day ever. It was like trying to herd wild cats, dealing with vendors & sub-contractors. On top of that, I was trying to clean up quickbooks for the business, and every time I fixed one thing, it meant there were at least 5 other problems that were created because of that one change! It was very frustrating, and by the end of the day, I was at my wit's end. This whole week was so frustrating with work, trying to stabilize my weight, and not being very successful in P3-- again.

I had a good, normal P3 eating day up until I got home from work. When I got home, I had a normal dinner- leftovers from my chicken marsala dinner the night before. However, after that, it was like I lost ALL control, and started eating everything in sight! Sugar-free ice-cream, cake with buttercream icing, Cheetos, a couple of mini dark-chocolate Reese's peanut butter cups, & bacon. It was quite a binge! I wasn't hungry, not by a long shot, and I knew it was emotional eating at its worst. Mr. ld didn't say anything, but he knew what was going on. I just needed to get it out of my system. I went to bed feeling gross from eating so much, and knew I'd have to face the scale this morning. I felt certain that I'd gain at least 5lbs from my eating tear.

With trepidation did I approach the scale today, and with good reason. However, the results weren't as bad as I'd thought they'd be: 198.4, a +1.7lb gain from yesterday's binge, and +5.9lbs over my LDW. Its bad, no doubt, but it wasn't the 5-6lb gain I anticipated. Needless to say, today is a steak day for me. Back to trying to reach my LDW weight and stabilize again.

I think part of my gains over the past week have been due to bathroom issues. (STOP reading here, if this sort of thing might affect you) I had such a horrendous time of it last Friday & Saturday with diarrhea, that it whacked my elimination schedule. I did find a new product that I like, and that helped me: Dulcolax fast-relief suppositories. The box said that I'd get relief within 15 minutes to 1 hour. True enough, 17 minutes later: relief. AND no horrible cramping like I got with the Smooth Move tea. Just a normal, but intense need to 'go'. Since then, I've been 'going' on my own. The Smooth Move tea gave me bad diarrhea too, and the Dulcolax didn't; I haven't had to use the Dulcolax since that first time. I'm hopeful that this development of getting back to a normal elimination schedule, will help with my weight. Its not the total problem, but certainly a part of the problem.

I've been reading about what is going on internally when I make the transition from P2 to P3. When I am in P2, I am eating an extremely low-fat diet. Apparently, when eating this way, my body gets used to NOT having to produce bile while I am on P2- at least not as much bile as my body is going to need once I re-introduce fats into my body in a more 'normal' way in P3. I need to take 'cholagogues' to help my body make this adjustment. Here is what I have learned about cholagogues, why they are an important part of aiding digestion when you are eating more fats, and why taking them prior to beginning P3 will be imperative for me to avoid the repetition of what has happened to me in prior transitions into P3.

"The liver produces a substance called bile, which is stored in the gallbladder until it is needed for the digestion of fats. Bile has 2 functions: First, it helps to emulsify fats by breaking them down & turning them into a soap-like state so they will be water soluble. This allows them to be absorbed into the bloodstream in the intestines. Secondly, bile also serves as an eliminative function for the liver. It helps the liver rid itself of certain waste products such as excess cholesterol and bilirubin.

Bile is composed primarily of lecithin, cholesterol, and bile salts. Up to 60% of the cholesterol produced by the body can be used to make bile, which is why low-fat diets can increase cholesterol levels, since the liver does not need to produce as much bile to digest fats. Sluggish activity of the gallbladder (not having enough bile to release in the digestion process- my addition) will result in poor digestion of fats.

When the liver dumps irritating toxins through the bile, nausea and sometimes vomiting result. Diarrhea can also result from toxic bile being eliminated from the liver.

Herbs that stimulate gallbladder function and bile production are called cholagogues."

Link to above information: http://www.treelite.com/members/handouts/GallStonesandBladder.pdf

"One cholagogue, encapsulated turmeric--commonly used in Indian spice blends--has gained the attention of the medical community for its ability to naturally stimulate bile production."

Link to above information: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0FKA/is_11_64/ai_92801114/?tag=content;col1

After reading MANY articles about natural cholagogues this morning, I distilled the information down to this. When on P2, we are eating a very low-fat diet. The liver doesn't need to produce much bile to digest this diet. Hence, the gallbladder isn't storing much bile. When P3 begins and we reintroduce fats back into our diet, there isn't much bile there to digest the new fats in my system, so I get diarrhea, and a nauseous feeling, because I am not able to digest the fats. Once my liver begins making enough bile to digest the fats, and my gallbladder is storing the bile, I start feeling fine again, and don't have any digestive issues with eating more fats. To help my liver begin producing more bile, I need to start taking a cholagogue. One helpful cholagogue is encapsulated turmeric. I can start taking this at the beginning of my P2, and will hope that it makes my liver produce a regular amount of bile. I am hopeful that by doing this, I won't experience the awful symptoms that I have had in going from P2 to P3.

There are many other cholagogues, dandelion and goldenseal being 2 others. I think I will try the encapsulated turmeric though.

I must say that I feel that I might have stumbled upon part of the reason why I have such a difficult transition into P3, and may have found a solution that makes sense! If you have read this far into this post, thank you!

R2P3 Day 6

2010-02-17T07:43:00.000-06:00

P3 and me don't go together AT ALL. 195.8 at weigh-in this morning, after tinkling all last night. How does a -0.4lb loss go along with that? And I'm doing this ALL by the book! Dr. Simeon wrote about the hunger edema day, that eating those foods would ensure a 2lbs loss, at least! LIAR. I don't know what to do. Monday was a steak day- gained weight. Tuesday was a hunger edema day- lost 0.4. I'm thinking today will be a normal day; I'm SICK to death of special days.

Also (and stop here if its TMI) my elimination schedule is whacked because of all the diarrhea I had over the weekend. That is part of the problem as well. I just can't go. Tonight, I will try taking the magnesium malate, but I'm also worried that once I get into the 'swing' of that, my body will be screwed up AGAIN and not on its own schedule. Why is it that when I'm on P2, and others have all sorts of elimination trouble THEN, I'm OK. But once I get to P3, I'm screwed, in all sorts of ways.

I'm so sick of P3/P4 always screwing up. And I just can't figure out what to do.

R2P3 Day 5

2010-02-16T07:44:00.001-06:00

WTF? How does this happen? GAIN weight on a steak day??????? +0.2lbs from yesterday's steak day effort???? I am mystified. This has never happened to me before. I always lost weight on steak days, and a nice loss too. I just finished reading Pounds & Inches AGAIN, and came across Dr. Simeon's explanation of hunger edema:

snip:
"Protein deficiency
Here too, the explanation is quite simple. During treatment the patient has been only just above the verge of
protein deficiency and has had the advantage of protein being fed back into his system from the breakdown of
fatty tissue. Once the treatment is over there is no more HCG in the body and this process no longer takes place.
Unless an adequate amount of protein is eaten as soon as the treatment is over, protein deficiency is bound to
develop, and this inevitably causes the marked retention of water known as hunger- edema.
The treatment is very simple. The patient is told to eat two eggs for breakfast and a huge steak for lunch and
dinner followed by a large helping of cheese and to phone through the weight the next morning. When these
instructions are followed a stunned voice is heard to report that two lbs. have vanished overnight, that the
ankles are normal but that sleep was disturbed, owing to an extraordinary need to pass large quantities of water.
The patient having learned this lesson usually has no further trouble."

I don't know if this is the issue, but I did just finish a round, and the steak day didn't work. SOOOOO, I am going to try the 'hunger edema' eating plan today and see what happens. Only I won't be eating a steak for lunch, I don't have a place to cook that. I do have a cooked chicken breast that I can take, so that's what I'll be eating for lunch. I don't know what else to do. It certainly can't hurt to try it though.

I can't tell you how frustrated I am. Here we go AGAIN trying to maintain my LDW and steak days. Only it didn't work. AAARRRRGH.

R2P3 Day 4

2010-02-15T07:47:00.001-06:00

My body did NOT like the Indian food, no way, shape, or form. I had an upset stomach after our lunch, and took it easy the rest of the day. Weighed in at 196.0 this morning, so I am still paying the price! That's a gain of +3.8lbs in one day! Some of that has to be the sodium helderheid was talking about. Needless to say, its a steak day for me today. I have my first cup of coffee as I write.

I need to be vigilant about my portion sizes. I know I sort of went overboard at the Indian restaurant, even though I only ate 3 things. I had 2 tandoori chicken breast halves, meaning they were 1/4 of a double chicken breast. A little bit of butter chicken, and a whole lot of saag paneer. I know that the paneer probably had a lot of sodium in it, and that's the culprit- part of it anyway. I had an upset stomach afterward, so I guess I thought that sort of took care of eating a bit more, but no. I had a chicken salad for dinner. Tried to drink lots of water/tea yesterday afternoon, to take care of my water loss. Apparently it didn't work, and I just need to cut out the Indian food, or eat a LOT less of it. And really watch my portion sizes. Lesson learned!

R2P3 Day 3

2010-02-14T11:19:00.003-06:00

191.4 yesterday, and 192.2 today. 192.5 is my LDW, so I'm doing well maintaining so far. I credit that to the extreme loss (though not reflected on the scale Saturday) I had on Friday, and to my thyroid medication. At least so far. We decided not to go out to dinner last night, as we had planned, as my stomach was still swirling around. I've been pounding the AP's 3 at a time, 3X's per day. They do help to settle my stomach. I am definitely on the upswing there though. I feel SOOOOO much better than I did Friday!

Mr. ld wants to go out to eat lunch today, to our favorite little Indian restaurant. His parents will be accompanying us, to celebrate his mother's birthday today. I am not going to have any rice or lentils, or anything else that might be a starch- no naan for me :( (Yet anyway- waiting for P4 for that!) I'll just have some tandoori chicken, saag paneer, and maybe a little butter chicken. It all sounds so good, but I don't want to see a spike in my weight tomorrow because of it!

I hope you are all having a lovely Valentine's Day today!

R2P3 Day 1

2010-02-12T17:49:00.001-06:00

I guess its just the way all my P3's are going to go. NO MATTER how much I try to prepare my system for the introduction of fats, it just doesn't like the jolt. (BTW, I weighed in at 191.4 this morning, before I ate anything.)

I had a lovely breakfast that I had been fantasizing about for days now, of scrambled eggs with cream, bacon, and hot tea. It was yummy! I took one acidophilus pearl with breakfast at 9:30am. No reactions, very good. I started getting hungry again around 12-12:30pm, so I thought I would fix tuna salad and put a little shredded cheese on top for a sort of tuna melt. I fixed that, but before I could put the tuna mounds in the broiler to melt the cheese, my body started talking, and talking loudly. It started with cold sweats and feeling very lightheaded, like I was going to pass out. It got worse from there. Mr. ld wasn't at home, and I was afraid if I passed out, it was only Libby (our cocker spaniel) and me here. I got to the bathroom where I wanted to throw up, but instead was very sick with diarrhea. (sorry if its TMI) That just kept going for hours. I was able to take 3 more acidophilus pearls at some point, and that helped to calm my stomach for awhile, but it wasn't the end of it. Mainly, I slept all afternoon, as I was absolutely spent after all that.

I'm having a cup of coffee with a little cream right now at 5:45pm, and am tolerating that well (at least so far). I've defrosted some chicken breasts as my plan had been to prepare Chicken Marsala for dinner. I'll still try to do that, and see how it goes.

Here's what I wonder about the acidophilus pearls (referred to from now on as AP): if I'm not eating anything that the AP can work on, maybe they don't stay in my system like I had hoped and build up, to prepare my system for P3. So maybe starting them a week ago was a waste of time? OR, maybe I didn't take enough of them to build up? I just don't know enough about them to know what to do in the future. But I need to learn pretty quick. I still have at least 3 more rounds of this ahead of me, and I DON'T want to repeat today over and over. Its pure hell on my body! I know it gets better over time, but this is just ridiculous!

R2P2 ND Day 3

2010-02-11T21:33:00.000-06:00

190.7 at weigh-in this morning, a -1.8lbs loss. I'm just taking this as a little cushion for my jump into P3 tomorrow. Remember that my LDW is 192.5. Last round I went with my LLW (last lowest weight) and had a hard time maintaining that, for a number of reasons. I'm trying to make this P3/P4 much more successful. If I go with my LDW, that is one less pressure I will have to work with.

I've already cooked my bacon for tomorrow's breakfast and am excited beyond belief to be able to wake up and fix scrambled eggs (with cream) and bacon! I only hope my taking acidophilus pearls all week have done their job, and prepared my system for the introduction of fats. We'll just have to see-

R2P2 ND Day 2

2010-02-10T20:30:00.000-06:00

Excellent! 192.5. Maintaining already! EXACTLY the same weight as yesterday, which I counted as my LDW. I only hope that the rest of P3/P4 stays like this! Not very newsy today- Hugs to you guys!

R2P2 VLCD 39

2010-02-09T21:28:00.001-06:00

I am christening today as my LDW. Thank goodness, I had a good result from yesterday's efforts: -1.7lbs, down to 192.5. That will be my LDW, and what I will go by for my P3/P4. I'm so pleased that I could get very close to my goal weight of 191.3. -28.8lbs total for Round 2. I did lose approx. 13% of my starting weight this round- not too shabby!

Today I noticed that I can do something I have not been able to do for many years now: I can cross my legs, and sit there feeling quite comfortable. I haven't been able to do this since I can't remember when! I was just too heavy. What a difference losing 45.3lbs overall makes!

My goal is to lose 112.8lbs total, bringing me to 125-128 on the scale. I would be SO VERY HAPPY if/when I do this. I have been this weight before, and I really liked how I looked. Only 67.5lbs more to go! I figure that it may take me about 3 more rounds (total of 5 rounds) to accomplish. Going 6 weeks between rounds, I should be about there by October 22nd (start of R5P3), based on 36 day rounds. I worked out that 36 day rounds put me starting all my P3's on Fridays, which I need to do in case I have a reaction to the introduction of fats. It also allows me to have 3 load days over the long weekends, starting VLCD on Mondays. I would be on R5P4 during Thanksgiving, which works out nicely, and finished completely by December 2nd, which would be a very nice Christmas season indeed!

R2P2 VLCD 38

2010-02-08T20:09:00.001-06:00

Well, well, well. Technically, I guess today's weight should be my LDW. However, after weighing in this morning, I made the automatic decision that TOMORROW'S weight will be my LDW! +1.5lbs this morning, 194.2. I truly can't explain this extreme gain. I drank lots of water, I ate what I was supposed to eat and no more. TOM ended yesterday- I don't know if that had anything to do with it, but I can't imagine that it did. I did have beef twice yesterday? And I do feel sort of bloated today- ???. All I can hope is that the extra weight goes away by tomorrow morning. But, whatever happens, tomorrow's weight will be the one I will go with for P3/P4.

In any case, the two gals I work with, were very nice when I came in to work this morning: they both said that suddenly I look thin! Now, don't get me wrong, at 5'6" tall, 194.2lbs on my frame, can never be construed as being thin. However, it was very nice of them to notice that I have lost a good bit of weight, and then remark on my progress. In fact, the pants I wore to work today had to be pinched in and held together with a safety pin to stay up! So, even though my scale woke up nasty and didn't want to be nice to me today, my pants said otherwise.

R2P2 VLCD 37

2010-02-07T18:15:00.000-06:00

-0.9lbs today, down to 192.7. That makes -28.6lbs so far this round. To make my goal, which I'm not at all sure I will be able to do, I had wanted to get down to 191.3, which is still another 1.4lbs away. My last dose day is tomorrow. IF I'm meant to take tomorrow's weight as my LDW, I don't think I can make it. IF I'm meant to take Tuesday's weight as my last weight, then maybe I can make it. I won't cry if I don't, but I would be really happy if I did do it. We'll just have to see how tomorrow's weigh-in goes.

Today was a very productive day around the house! I got 4 big bags of old clothes and shoes taken to Goodwill. Very cathartic indeed! I've also got my chili cooking, ready for work lunches this week. Tonight, I will have my new favorite dinner: 'creamed' radishes & steak. A nice dinner while we are watching the Superbowl- Who Dat? of course, since I'm originally from New Orleans!

I started taking acidophilus pearls yesterday, trying to get my tummy ready for the fats I will start eating Friday. I hope it will help. I had such a horrible first couple of days transitioning into P3 last round; I certainly do NOT want to relive that! I'm going to wake up on Friday, and have a lovely breakfast of scrambled eggs and bacon. I'm counting the days till that! I also got some cremini mushrooms so that I can make chicken marsala Friday night-- yummy! I just won't eat the noodles. I am going to try to take my food introductions easier this time around. Last time, I was just too quick, and my body didn't have time to adjust. Maybe that was part of the reason I found stabilizing so hard.

I hope everyone had a good weekend, and will have a good week-

R2P2 VLCD 36

2010-02-06T12:07:00.002-06:00

-0.0lbs today, still at 193.6. That's OK because my eating schedule was all off last night. Mr. ld and I never do anything wild and crazy, so the idea of going to a midnight movie is waaaayyyy out of our realm of 'normal'! However, last night, our local art house theater was showing Alfred Hitchcock's thriller, 'Rear Window'! Anyone who knows me, knows that I lurv me some classic movies! and 'Rear Window' is my all-time fav-O-rite movie!! This is not a regular thing for this theater either; they show new, small, independent, or artsy type movies, not really 'classic' films, unless you want to call 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' a classic. But I digress. To be able to see my favorite film on a large movie screen, in a theater that still has the original art deco decor, was a dream come true. Mr. ld, who thinks I've seen 'Rear Window' more than enough for one lifetime (and with whom I vehemently disagree, as one can NEVER see it too many times!) lovingly accompanied me, even though it started at 12midnight. That is a good man, imho! In any case, it meant that I ate my dinner later than usual & my after-dinner snack of an apple at 11pm. I was nervous that I would see an increase on the scale this morning, because of how late I was eating. At least I maintained! Oh, and the movie was PERFECTION, and a rather large crowd (for the hour, and for seeing classic movies) turned out.

Today is another day that will be spent doing things around the house: laundry, going through old clothes. I know I sound like a broken record on that score, but I have a lot of old clothes and junk that needs to be sorted and disposed of. Its been --amazingly-- 14 years since my parents passed away, and I STILL have clothes and belongings of theirs that need to find a new home. It is hard right after the fact, to deal with those things, but it is way past time now.

Yesterday, as I was looking in the mirror brushing my teeth, I realized that my face is getting thinner! Especially around my jowl (do women have jowls?)-chin/neck line. Where I used to be puffy, and sort of droopy, that line across my jawbone is sort of shrinking, and you can tell where my neck starts. At one point in my life, I had a prominent double chin, as I had gained so much weight. I had that lipo'd and regained a normal structure. However, after I put all the weight back on, plus some, I regained that fullness. It is going away now, and that makes me very happy! I was afraid because of my age, that the skin might be saggy there, but I think it is going to tighten up nicely! Thank you HCG!

Thyroid Test Results update

2010-02-05T14:06:00.000-06:00

I just spoke with my Dr.'s office, and they have received the test results of my thyroid update. After I had been on the thyroid Rx for a month, he wanted to check how I was responding. Here are the test results:

TSH 0.112L uIU/ml
T4 9.6ug/dL
T3 Uptake 31%
Free Thyroxine Index 3.0
Triiodothyronine (T3) 95ng/dL

I'm a bit confused by the results. The measurements on the TSH are in 'L'?? If I am comparing this to my first reading of 3.34 would this really read (if using the same measurements) 1.12 uIU/ml?? If that is the case, and helderheid says that 'normal' should be between 1-2, then I am on the right track. Then I would feel comfortable refilling my Rx today, and just stay with the same dose. My Dr. says that my lab results were fine by him, and to keep taking the same dose as I have been taking, and come back in another month for another follow-up blood test. Just wondering what you think?

R2P2 Day 35

2010-02-05T10:53:00.000-06:00

Good thing that late dinner last night didn't disrupt my weigh-in this morning! -1.7lbs today, down to 193.6, for a total loss this round of 27.7lbs. I'm walking on air today, after my weigh-in! Monday will be my last dose day, and will be the weight that I will attempt to maintain during my next P3/P4. I am hoping to see my goal weight for this round of 191.3. That would mean that I need to lose another 2.3lbs by Monday, bringing me to a total loss for this round of 30lbs. That would make me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO very happy!

I am seeing my shape change. Last night at Costco, I bought 2 new pair of sweater knit lounging pants, and 2 thermal tops to sleep in with the pants, and they were XL. I wore one of the sleep outfits last night, and it was tighter than I usually wear. When I came out in it, Mr. ld noticed and said I was getting thinner and he could definitely see that I was smaller! That was so nice! I just adore how hcg reshapes you, and in such a nice way! Curves start to fade or appear, but in all the right places.

Today, being the start of my weekly long weekend, I will be working on sorting through old clothes. Cleaning and clearing out. That's another side-effect of hcg, at least for me. It just makes me want to clear out all the clutter in every area of my life. Off to work on that project-

Toodles!

R2P2 VLCD 34

2010-02-04T22:43:00.001-06:00

-0.7lbs today, bringing me down to 195.3, for a total loss so far of -26lbs. I'll take it, thank you. Not as much as I had hoped, but hey, the scale was moving down. I am very ready for this round to be over mentally. I'm tired of my foods, and wanting to expand my repertoire. Only one more week, and I'll be in P3!

I'll be mixing a new batch of hcg tonight, which will actually be good timing. Each batch this round has generally lasted 8 days. So, with me ending this round next Thursday, but my last dose day will be Monday, I will have used about 5 days worth of this batch. I think I'll have 1-2 extra vials of hcg to put toward my next P2 round, but I haven't looked at the calendar to see when that will actually begin. I'll need to order more hcg before the next round though.

Today was a good day at work, but my day was a long one after work. I had to go to both Costco and Sam's and didn't get home until 8pm. That meant my dinner got bumped back by the time I prepared it, and I was eating it at 9pm. That's way too late, and I hope I don't pay for that at tomorrow's weigh-in. Of course, you will be the first to know!

R2P2 VLCD 33

2010-02-03T20:23:00.000-06:00

Wheeeeeeee! Isn't that what you're supposed to yell when you're on a roller coaster with your hands above your head? Only this roller coaster ride I'm on with my scale, isn't so fun. +1.1lbs, back up to 196.0. Didn't go off of protocol yesterday, in fact I left 25calories on the table, out of my daily allotment. I drank enough water, I got enough sleep. It has to be TOM, that's all I can guess. To date, in both of my rounds so far, I've never had a reaction like this before to TOM. But that's not to say it can't happen for me. Apparently, it has! So, as I know this extra 'poundage' came on suddenly, I have every confidence it will come off quickly too. It has to. I haven't done anything off of protocol that would stop it coming off. Just keep walking the walk, and doing the protocol.

hugs to you all....